Sunday, April 26, 2009

Do You Need to Divorce a Friend?

During the course of our lives we meet thousands of people. Some just pass by, some stay for a little while and some stay for a long time. No encounter lacks meaning. In any case, everyone comes to teach us something or to learn something. We can call them friends.

Friends are a lot of fun. We learn to have a grand time and treat them with intimacy. We share experiences and we grow from the relationship. They touch our souls.

Though many friends come and go throughout our lives, some of them remain close to us for a long time. From those, we find one or two that are truly our soul mates, even though we remain basically different in our core.

Friends are accepting; they make us feel comfortable. Friends are sincere: they will tell us when we are getting out of line. Friends are our angels in physical from: they see the big picture and give us objective advice. Friends care for us, root for us, support us, and share our history.

Friends are our lovers in the true sense of the word. Love is deep, touching, trusting, and all forgiving. Because there is true love and no sex is involved in the relationship, friendships are free from negative emotions. You probably have noticed that sex is a major disruptor in many a relationship.

Friendships are very freeing. And fun!

Sometimes, though, you realize that your friend is subtly and slowly but surely distancing from you. You realize there is a change. What used to be a reciprocal relationship has become a one way street. You feel like each time you throw a boomerang it doesnt come back. It gets lost somewhere. You feel you are giving but not receiving.

Sometimes people go through stages and yes, if a friend becomes estranged you must give them space. You give space and maintain your communication channels open. Eventually, they come back. However, sometimes the space becomes a vacuum and sooner or later you realized that the void cannot be filled.

It is time to get a divorce.

Divorcing friends, like divorcing mates can be truly traumatic and devastating. However, in this case, the love never dies. A true friend will never betray will and consequently, there will never be a need to transform the person into an enemy, as it so often happens with couples.

How do you divorce your friend who has been a great part of your history for so long? Here are my suggestions:

1. Make a list of the things you truly appreciate about the person.

2. Make a list of all that you have noticed that has been happening between the two of you.

3. Write down a list of reasons for the separation.

4. Speak with your friend and present your list.

5. Announce your decision to get a "divorce."

6. Tell them how much their friendship has meant to you.

7. Apologize for anything that you have done that may have insulted or hurt them.

8. Give them the chance to apologize, if needed.

9. Part your ways and never burn bridges.

10. Remember to experience the loss of a great relationship.

11. Mourn.

12. Live your life as best as you can. You will be all right.

13. When a time comes and an occasion demands, get in touch again.

14. Be interested, listen to the person, and then let them go.

15. Again, and again, and again.

You will feel liberated.

Maria Moratto 2006
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Dr. Maria Moratto is the author of "The Inspired Healing For Your Body, Mind, and Soul," "The Inspired Healing Journal: Mending Your Broken Heart," and "Attract Money Journal." Visit her site to get fr*ee affirmation cards.
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