Saturday, June 28, 2008

Surrender Versus Control

"The mind is the security system of the body, so it wants to be in control to feel safe."
Mona & Giovanni - Question the Mind

We operate under the illusion that we are in control. To surrender means to yield or give up. Surrendering to a Higher Power means asking for support. It is saying we can't do it alone. It brings us out of ourselves somehow, and gives some relief to our struggles. "As a typical baby boomer who left formal religion behind at age 19, I had to be pushed pretty far for my ego to even begin to allow me to surrender.

I see now that what happened to me was an important part of my menopausal journey. It was the intensifying of experience that often happens in the last couple of years of perimenopause. Both Christiane Northrup and Susun Weed talk about this. My restricted left shoulder, injured carrying heavy rugs, was the event that catalyzed this key part of my journey. As my shoulder froze up I became so limited physically that I went into a completely different space in body-mind and spirit. Although I functioned in my life in a limited way, my main focus was on what was happening inside me. For a few months I did what Christiane Northrup calls "hanging out in the underworld". I like to call this place the "abyss". There I had seemed to have no choice but to allow my worst fears, grief and confusion to be fully experienced.

A few years earlier I had remembered that I had experienced sexual trauma as a toddler, but I was unprepared for the strong emotions that arose in me, and the occasional brief but graphic visual flashbacks that seemed to come from my shoulders after I received healing bodywork. My concern was that I would lose touch with reality and 'leave' my body somehow. This is what I think happened, albeit briefly, at the time of the abuse. During this difficult time I remember walking down the street and saying 'please help me' to a Higher Power I think of as 'The Universe', 'The Light', 'The Great Mother' or 'God'.

Surrendering of this nature was definitely not my usual modus operandi in the world. But I was desperate. I felt lost and alone in many ways. I knew that most people, not having made a similar internal journey, didn't understand what I was going through.

But "thank the Goddess", there was one person who really got it, and that was my very wise chiropractor, Christine. One day she said to me, "sometimes when you're standing on the edge of the abyss, there's nothing else to do but jump." I felt comforted and validated that she understood the limbo I was in.

As the months wore on, the shoulder restriction slowly eased with the help of chiropractic, massage, acupuncture and exercises. After six months, I had approximately 80% of the mobility back in my arm. As the shoulder released, something softened and released in me emotionally also.

I asked for guidance on what to do next and soon the idea came to me of writing to Judith Duerk, author and women's retreat leader to inquire about leadership training. My goal was to offer holistic groups for women. I went to Wyoming to work with Judith over a period of three years. I also sponsored a Judith Duerk retreat in my own community.

Out of this time in the abyss, a new 'me' was born. I was able to move into the next phase of my life as a mature women...a crone which has been very satisfying. I returned to school to get a master's degree in counseling. This qualified me for my life's work with women.

My life is not a perfect life now, now is it particularly easy. But I know who I am more and more and know what I can contribute to the world.

Copyright 2007 Ellen Besso

Through her 'Odyssey of Change' coaching program, Ellen Besso offers Midlife Women the opportunity to navigate the midlife maze and find joy & fullness in their lives.

Personal action plans include strengthening the body-mind connection; releasing beliefs that limit growth; & specific actions to move you forward into your ideal life.

Ellen is uniquely qualified to be your guide because she has personally journeyed through perimenopause and into an inspired life as a menopausal 4B6crone! Her professional credentials include certification as a Martha Beck Coach and an M.A. in Counseling from City University.

To find out more about Ellen's work and read articles written by her contact: or - 800 961 1364 - N.Am. or 604 886 1916 - Gibsons, BC

Mao Zedong

The Power of Concentration Meditation Technique

Meditation is an invaluable and proven science to optimize health and elevate the quality of one's life. It not only promotes physical health, but also markedly improves emotional balance and psychological wellbeing. There are many types of meditation and in this article we will explore the popular and powerful Concentration Meditation Technique.

Concentration Meditation Techniques:

These are probably the most common and well know of all the meditations and often meditation is defined by these kinds of meditations exclusively. They are closely related to the Insight Meditation Techniques, with the difference being that Insight Meditation Techniques utilize the active application of intelligence and discernment, while the Concentration Meditation techniques use the power of focused attention to a greater degree. To some extent these meditations lay the groundwork for the Insight Meditations which need a high degree of concentration as a prerequisite to being effective.

1. Breath Meditation Technique (Zazen):

The heart of Zen Meditation is Zazen, the meditation of the Buddha. In this meditation, awareness and concentration are brought to the breathing process to help build mastery over the mind and free the system from dualistic thinking.

To practice Zazen one takes a seated posture and then begins to 5B4count the flow of one's breath. Counting each inhalation and exhalation starting from one to ten. So, an inhalation is one, the next exhalation is two, and so forth. When one reaches the count of ten, one returns to one and starts counting again. This helps focus the mind and prevents it from drifting endlessly from one thought to another.

As one develops one's ability to count undistracted from one to ten, one starts to count each breath cycle, instead of the inhalation and exhalation separately. So now one counts an inhalation and exhalation as one, the next complete breath as two and so forth till one reaches ten. After reaching ten, one returns to one and repeats the meditation.

In the advanced form of Zazen, one simply becomes the breath. In this form counting is dropped altogether and only keen awareness of the breath is maintained. One should not progress to this level until one has mastered the previous two.

Zazen breath meditation helps develop the power of focused concentration and creates a serene, peaceful mind capable of penetrating the veil of dualistic thinking.

2. Another breath based meditation is Vipassana:

In Vipassana one extends one's awareness from one's breath, to the body and the sensations that rise and fall within it. The objective being to have insight into the workings of the mind through self-observation. This form of meditation is also called Insight Meditation as it helps one 5B4develop insight into the true nature of things.

3. Object Concentration Meditation Technique:

There are many meditations that utilize an external object as a focus point for the mind. Zazen and Vipassana belong in this sections as well, but due to their widespread use I mentioned them separately. The objects of focus can be anything from a point on the ceiling, to a flower, to external sounds in the environment. These meditations all develop focus, concentration, self knowledge, calmness and the witnessing consciousness. Their ultimate objective, though, is to have the meditator finally drop the object of concentration and encounter the non-dual nature of Reality directly.

Some examples of these meditations are Sound Awareness Meditation Technique and candle flame gazing (Trataka). Both these meditation utilize the sense modalities to accomplish the goals of concentration meditation.


So you see from above that there are many types of concentration meditation techniques. This allows one to choose a type that is most suitable for their personality and disposition. The best way to discover the enormous benefits of meditation is to jump in and participate. What are you waiting for?

Anmol Mehta is a Yoga & Zen Expert. His site, Free Guided M4ECeditation & Chakra Kundalini Yoga Exercises, offers Free Third Eye (Ajna) Chakra Yoga Meditation Technique. Also, find great discussions on the Free Guided Meditation Practice, Kundalini Yoga Poses & Zen Meditation Blog.

This article is available for reprint on your website and/or newsletter, provided it is not changed and you include the author's signature.

Wayne Dyer Intentions

Friday, June 27, 2008

I Would Give Anything To ...

A couple days ago I was listening to a CD by one of the most successful speakers in the industry. He has been around for many years and is considered one of the greats. He is also considered to be somewhat off the beaten path. As much as he is admired and respected by many, he is judged by just as many. The segment I found most intriguing was one about how others often say to him5B4, I would give anything to be a successful speaker and author just like you.

His response is, No you wouldnt. What you want is the end result, but youre probably not willing to do what it takes to achieve the level of success I have achieved. Arrogant? Maybe. Harsh? Perhaps. Truthful? Most definitely.

Anyone who has achieved a relatively high level of success in their industry has probably had the same statement directed to them. I would give anything to be a successful ________ just like you.

Truth be told, achieving a level of success others will want to emulate is something most people are not willing to make the necessary sacrifices for. Sure, they want the end result, but are they willing to step out from the crowd and do what it takes to achieve their dream? Are they willing to go through the inevitable ups and downs?

Over the years Ive had the opportunity to work with some pretty incredible people. Folks who have achieved more than most could only dream of. Individuals who others will look at and think, I would be willing to do anything to achieve that level of success.

Sadly, that is about as far as many people get with their desire to accomplish what they want out of life. They talk about it, but dont do what is necessary to achieve it. Im not referring simply to monetary success. I am referring to contribution to community, personal success, physical succes5B4s, or virtually anything that would signify a complete life.

In last months column I mentioned the book I am co-authoring. Why Be Different? Success Secrets for Selling the Unsellable is a book about how one can set themselves apart from the competition in such a way that they literally become leaders in their industry. Much of the book will be based on interviews conducted with people from a variety of industries such as real estate, healthcare, accounting, hospitality and more. Being a leader doesnt necessarily mean you are the biggest. It means that you are the one others look to when determining standards of success within an industry.

As I have been gathering information, what I find interesting is some of the similarities with the people we are featuring in the book. Each person has been through some incredible ups and downs on their road to success. Each has gone through experiences that would make someone else quickly throw in the towel. They didnt let the roadblocks stop them; they just kept moving forward in order to reach their goals.

What I find most intriguing is their powerful belief in having a vision of what is possible. All are also very flexible in their approach to life. They knew what they wanted to achieve and if one thing didnt work they tried something else. If that didnt work, they tried yet something else. They kept at it until they achieved their goals. The words no and 4FCcant are almost nonexistent in their vocabulary.

Also evident is their generosity to their community and their clients. Rather than putting a price tag on everything, they often make contributions without expecting anything in return. They do it because it makes others feel good and it is simply the right thing to do.

With each person, a love of what they are doing is essential. Although they work very hard, they have such an incredible passion for what they are doing that when the tough times hit, they are virtually unstoppable. People who are not incredibly passionate about what they are doing give up when they are presented with roadblocks to their success.

Dont just be another person saying, Id do anything Keep your vision, your passion and jump over your roadblocks.

Copyright: 2004 by Kathleen Gage

Publishing Guidelines: You may publish my article in your newsletter, on your web site, or in your print publication provided you include The resource box at the end. Notification would be appreciated but is not required.

About The Author

Kathleen Gage is a business advisor, keynote sp3FFeaker, and trainer that helps others gain dominance and visibility within their market. Call 801.619.1514 or e-Mail . Get Gages FREE 4 day online marketing course by visiting

David Hawkins

Reach Your Goals Temp Your Way To The Top

Temp your way to the top

Want to take the test for a software certification, but feeling a bit rusty? Need to brush up on your mechanic skills before tackling the full rebuild of that gas-and-oil-guzzler staining up your driveway? Or perhaps you need to re-enter the networking circle of your chosen work-from-home career after a few years out of the loop, but don't want to get trapped into the office-bound aspects of it. One visit to your local temporary staffing agency could have you on your way to meeting your goals and getting paid for it at the same time.

Temp agencies are well known for their desire to work with their employee-clients (that's you) on times, shifts, days and skill specifications. If you find out that you and a particular employer don't see eye to eye on what you need, you can just say "no" ("no's" are no big deal - the temp agency would rather find out before you walk out of an employer's office mid-shift and leave them with a PR hassle). By the time you've gotten what you needed out of the bargain, you and the agency have made some extra cash and the local businesses will know your name (and hopefully, that'll be a good thing).

(c) Soni Pitts


Soni Pitts is the Chief Visionary Butt-Kicker of SoniPitts.Com. She specializes in helping others reclaim "soul proprietorship" in their lives and to begin living the life their Creator always intended for them.

She is the author of the free e-book "50 Ways To Reach Your Goals" and over 100 self-help and inspirational articles, as well as other products and resources designed to facilitate this process of personal growth and spiritual development.


Is Life Keeping You From Getting Anywhere

Are you too busy with what you are doing to change or get ahead?

Are you so distracted with life that you have time to pay attention to what you want in life?

Can you even remember what you want any more?

The routine tasks of daily life can so easily use up all of your time that they become the main part of life.

When was the last time you spent time thinking or contemplating what you want in your life? For most it has been far too long.

Are you aware that your daily activities are your predominate habits? A habit is an automatic thought, routine or behavior. They become so ingrained in you life that you build interpretations, thinking, behavior, and defens5B4es around them, protecting the status quo.

Have you noticed how protective you can be about what you do and think, even if you are not really sure why. How you will defend anything even if it is really not in your best interest. You will actually personalize and protect your habits no matter how negative, debilitating and restrictive they become.

Sometimes, what habits prevent you from doing is far more damaging than the habit itself. Many habitual routines cause you no harm other than sapping your time and energy that could be utilized for your personal growth and development.

We have all heard of how effective use of our time leads to results. Well, there are always results in your life; everything you do has a result. Even when you think you are doing nothing, you are getting the results of the doing 'nothing'. And part of the result is, what you are not doing while doing the 'nothing'.

If you sit and watch TV instead of washing the dishes, the result is - the dishes are not washed, and of course you accomplished TV watching.

This goes on all day, with you getting appropriate results for all of your actions and apparent inaction.

The question becomes, how long are you going to continue to let what you do all day long prevent you from the life you desire? You can't continue to do everything you do now and expect different results. You must make some adjustments.

Change what you are doi5B4ng and what you are doing will change. Your results will change and so will your life. It takes effort on your part. Who said the life you want is easy? I'm not saying it is hard either, not any harder than what you are doing now.

The challenging part is in getting yourself to alter what you are now doing to allow for what you want. You have gradually built your life to what it is today, whether you did so intentionally or not.

You then need to make any adjustments that are needed to support what you want. It will take effort at first, as your ego mind will want to fight to preserve the status quo. It will take determination and self-discipline on your part at first to override the existing habits.

This can only take place when your inner drive is sufficient to back your efforts. Only when you become fed up with what you no longer want and you become deeply desirous of what you do want will you have the needed mental and emotional drive.

You will need to insert into your day, some things that support what you want. You need to be moving in the direction of your dreams, not just once in a while, but each day.

Take a look at what you want in your life - what activities would lead to them becoming reality for you? Put these into your daily schedule and help them become your habits. Even if small, they will begin to have an effect.

If you were in baseball and wanted to be batting over 300, don't yo5B4u think you should be doing a lot of batting practice? Of course, that's obvious right! Then why don't you do any practice for what you want?

You have allowed yourself to be consumed by your habits, you must change that in order to get what you want. And what you have in your life is directly related to how much time and attention you have given it. Give an appropriate percentage of your time with what you do want.

Spending all of your time doing things that are not part of what you want your life to be and then complaining about it changes nothing. All you are doing is accentuating your unhappiness.

Another key part of this is to know what you want unfiltered by the ego. There is a lot deep in your mind that is covered by the activity of the day. Schedule time in your day for contemplation of some sort, as well as the specific activities.

Meditation is good or any quiet undistracted dedicated thinking 20 to 30 minutes at least once a day. Contemplative thinking is something most of us do not do enough of, as we are so busy running around just doing what we are in the habit of doing.

It is so easy to allow ourselves to get in the rut of just wishing of something rather than taking steps towards making it happen.

And very important, you must stick with it, just doing something for a short term or once in a while will not effect change. What job, business or college degree can you be successfu496l in if you only do it once in a while?

If you want it to be a part of your life - make it a part of your life!

Change your efforts and your results will change.

John Halderman writes and speaks with intent on helping you get effective results with your personal growth. For self-improvement tools, tips and resources for living a satisfying life get the "Effective Personal Development Newsletter" and a bonus report

Buddha Nature

Is Today The Day You Take Action

You will either step forward into Growth, or you will step back into Safety.
~ Abraham Maslow ~

As the year quickly moves forward, this could turn out to be just another day, week and month that passes by, or it could be the beginning of something new. Take a look at your life. Overall, how is it going? Would you describe your life as a joyous, passionate expression of self? Are you living your most abundant, peaceful, loving life? Everyone of us carries within an idea, a dream, or a desire. Taking action on these desires is how excitement unfolds. Yet so often these dreams are dismissed or put on the cold back burner. Will today be another day that passes by without taking action on your dream?

What could I do dE11ifferently today that would effect my life?

What to Do?
We generally have some sort of an idea of what we would wish to create within our lives. Yet we also sense the enormity of all that it would take to change the status quo. The task ahead seems huge and unmanageable. All the familiar feelings of procrastination, doubt, and overwhelm rise to the surface to protect the known comfort of what is. It seems much easier to remain in the safety of what is known and familiar. And yet the desire to create change continues to exist. How do any of us get past the plateau that we sit on?

Take a Small Step
What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it. Antoine De Saint-Exupery ( 1900-1944, French Aviator, Writer)

In the end, as adults, no one can save us but ourselves. We own, and are responsible, for our own lives and happiness. To get what we want out of life, it helps to know what it is that we want. We need to know what we dream of. Close your eyes and be willing to take a look at the big picture. What is it you want? For example:

Be at peace with food and your body

Weigh a certain amount _________

Write a book

Begin a new business





Now step back from the big picture and find what steps you can do now, today, to make your dream come true. What are five small, achievable steps you can take today to move forward with this dream? For example:

1. Write down my desire.

2. Create a simple picture board illustrating my desire.

3. Take five minutes to imagine myself joyfully living my desire.

4. Create a daily action list to help create different habits.

5. Feel joy in the recognition that I took these steps today.

Will today be the day I gently push aside all of my excuses, and take tangible action on my personal desires?


Dr. Annette Colby, RD can help you take the pain out of life, turn difficult emotions into joy, release stress, end emotional eating, and move beyond depression into an extraordinary life! Annette is the author of Your Highest Potential and has the unique ability to show you how to spark an amazing relationship with your life! Visit to access hundreds of content filled articles and sign up for a Free subscription to Loving Miracles! newsletter.

Prodigal Son

The Secrets of Stamina-Building

For ages, stamina has proved to be one of the major factors when it comes to combat sports, martial arts, traditional sports, and regular day-to-day activity. Stamina is the ability to keep going regardless of fatigue. Its no secret that building your stamina will lead to a better life; a new you. However, there are secrets to quickly and efficiently building your stamina that will have people questioning whether youre using steroids!

Picture this if you will: Each day you wake up full of energy and ready to take on any challenge that awaits you. If youre not a morning person, then you suddenly become one! Most people hate getting up in the morning because they feel exhausted, tired, and still want to remain in bed. Imagine yourself feeling great, the complete opposite of that, each and every morning your feet hit the floor You have the stamina to last throughout the day without needing to take a quick nap. Your increased energy levels reflect on your productiveness at work and people start to see the difference in you. You get more attention from the opposite sex and/or your significant other. You feel great and the people around you start to take notice as you impress them with the new you.

Great image, huh? You bet! And the best part is, that mental picture that I just gave you can become your reality when you: 1) Change your mindset and 2) Increase your energy levels. And the way to do this is to start building your stamina.

Why you ask? Well two reasons:

1.When you start to see progress in your attempt to build your stamina, your belief system changes. Going from an out-of-shape person to a well-build, high energy being in only a matter of weeks can and will have a very positive effect on your mindset. To sum it all up: youll believe more is possible and youll start to achieve more. It doesn't matter how impossible your goals may seem, anything that you want to achieve can be achieved with a simple change in your mindset.

2.Building your stamina by following a training regimen each day keeps you active. Heres a fact: when your body is inactive for a long period of time, your body gets used to it and you become lethargic. Doing the complete opposite by constantly being active will allow you to become more energetic and your daily energy levels will start to increase.

So when you start to increase your stamina, you start to increase yourself as a person and get more quality out of life. Youll have the energy to do more.

Ryan Dodson

If you want to start seeing a change in yourself within two weeks, I have good news for you. The secrets to quickly and efficiently building your stamina within only two weeks can be found at the Inhuman Stamina website. Now's the time to make a life-changing decision that will impact yourself as well as the people that surround you.

Manifest my center for healing

Personal and Professional Development

When people ask me about my business, I tell them Im in the learning business that we help organizations, teams and individuals reach their potential through learning. This is a fine statement and it does describe the breadth of what we do, but it often leads to the follow-up question like . . . Do you do personal development stuff or just business skills training?

My answer is yes.

Because I dont believe there is a significant difference between personal development and professional development.

Why do I say that?

The Reasons Why

Since my opinion might differ from yours, or perhaps youve never thought about it this, it makes sense to explain myself. There are at least five major reasons why I think personal and professional development are the same thing.

Learning is Learning. We were granted an amazing potential for learning at birth. Most of us havent used very much of that potential. Its like we are mowing our lawn with a jet engine. Sure the jet engine has enough horsepower to turn the blade, but it has virtually unlimited potential that isnt being used. When we are learning we are increasing our 5A8capacity to learn more because we are flexing and exercising our learning muscles. In other words whenever we are learning we are increasing our capacity to learn even more.

All Experience Counts. One of the powerful ways that we learn is by connecting new learning to what we already know. As we continue to build our knowledge and experiences, it allows us to make new connections faster. In other words, the more we learn, the more successful we will be at learning new things and in most situations; more quickly with deeper understanding.

Were a Whole Package. It isnt like we go to work and dont use anything we know from our personal life to be more effective professionally. And while we may not need to know how to repair rotating drum equipment at home those skills might help you diagnose the problem with your washing machine. And even though you dont have to back up the system database at home, you might be able to deal with your home PC better because of what you learned at work. And while you hope youll never need to follow the new Customer Service procedure at home, that procedure might teach you something a following a process, or being more understanding when you are the Customer.

The bottom line is that we are complete humans, and as such we take our entire work knowledge home, and bring all of our personal knowledge and experience to work. So any form5B4 of growth or development will benefit you both personally and professionally.

The Most Important Skills are Always the Most Important. Where does being a better listener help you at home or at work? Both, of course. When you learn how to coach more effectively at work does it make you a better parent? It sure can!

We could make a long list of these valuable skills, from communication to dealing with conflict, to learning how to learn, to giving better feedback to being more creative you get the idea (and have probably thought of five other examples yourself by now). There are many skills that we might learn as self improvement that will help us at work, and vice versa. So why label it one or the other?

Serendipity Rules. Because our learning grows based on connections, you never know when something you learned on the Discovery Channel might give you an aha at work, or that the insight shared by the seminar leader at work helps you solve a vexing problem at home. Again, all development, all learning, all growth helps us in all parts of our lives.

But Wait

Does all of this mean that as I become a better knitter or bowler, Ill be more productive and successful at work? Yes, for the reasons I described above (and some others too).

That doesnt mean that your organization should send everyone to knitting class or bowling lessons, but it does mean that t53Chere is substantial merit in supporting any form of learning regardless of the content.

In the end, my goal is to help you view all skills more broadly in their application instead of classifying some things as personal development and therefore they dont matter at work.

Learning is learning. Personal development is professional development.

When you stop worrying about the distinctions, but rather think about the applications, you serve yourself and others much better.

Kevin Eikenberry is a leadership expert and the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group (, a learning consulting company. To receive a free Special Report on leadership that includes resources, ideas, and advice go to or call us at (317) 387-1424 or 888.LEARNER.

Wallace Wattles

Are You Ready To Be More Confident

Do you realize that lack of confidence in yourself limits every aspect of your life? You have held yourself back in your job, in your relationships and even kept your inner power stamped down. Sometimes it really is a simple matter of changing how you see yourself. Negative thoughts about yourself come from a lifetime of practice in some cases. Everyone has painful experiences that come along with negative reinforcement. It is possible to create a more positive image of yourself and be more confident in every part of your life.

Here are some simple ways to start allowing more positive energy into your life.

1) Simply seeing yourself as an unfinished work is a good place to start. If you were done growing, there would be no more need to learn. It is a fact of life that there is always someone who is more intelligent, more courageous, and better in some manner. If you are trying to 16C1measure up to the impossible, it is time to readjust your thinking. Set an affirmation that you will only get better every day. You may be unfinished in many ways, but every part of you is worthy of respect, especially from you.

2) Act the way you want things to be even if they are not yet real. This is the old "fake it til you make it" method. This really does work if you give it a little time and put the energy into it. Pretending something is true affects the way your mind works. This is not a long term solution, but it can give you a kick start in building your confidence. The next time you have to attend one of those boring company lunches, act as if you are the most self-confident person there. Think about how a person who really is ultra confident would act in that situation. Attitude has a lot to do with feeling confident.

3) Make a list of all of your good qualities. You have more than you realize or are willing to acknowledge. Acting confident is a good start but you need to get at the root of why you have a negative image of yourself so you can start building a lasting change in your attitude. Take stock of the good things you have done in your life and what you have accomplished. The list will be longer than you think right now. Start talking nicer to yourself and appreciate your skills and talents. You may not be perfect (who is?) but you are not as bad as you think.

These are things that will continue for your whole life. No one ever gets finished with learning and growing. Learn to appreciate the you that is new every day.

Robin Skeen

Robin lives in the lovely state of Ohio, USA. She is a freelance writer and her website contains her reflections on inspired personal growth - transforming body, mind and spirit so you can live your best life NOW! To find out more, visit today at and check back on a regular basis for free reports and eBooks.

Mao Zedong

The Action Steps To Success

Just like everything else in life, success is achieved through a series of steps. Think of it like a staircase. You are on the ground floor and want to get to the top level. Depending on the steps that you create will make the journey easier or harder. If you set the steps three feet high it will be very difficult but if you set them up to be six inches high it will be much easier.

If you havent sat down and wrote out the steps that it will take for you to reach the success that you want, thats the first thing that you need to do. Knowing what it will take to get to where you want to go is very important. The first steps that come to your mind will probably be that large major ones that are necessary.

Once you have these large steps written down you need to create steps within those steps. This will help you make more manageable steps for you to climb. If you need to, go a bit further and create steps within those steps as well. The smaller you can break everything down the more manageable it will become.

Now that you have all of this stuff written down you have the action steps that it will take for you to reach success. Of course the most important thing for you to do now is to implement these steps. Steps are no good if they are not climbed. If you get to a certain step and realize that it is to big for you, repeat the same process and break it down into steps that you can manage. Before you know it you will be well on your way to success.

Is there greatness on the inside of you but you don't know how to achieve it? Jason has just completed his brand new 7 part e-course, 'Find Your Greatness'

Get it free here: Find Your Greatness

Do you want to learn how to create successful habits and goals? Download Jasons new FREE ebook here: Goal Setting

Jason Osborn has dedicated himself to changing thousands of lives by helping people find their greatness and true potential through his Find Your Greatness Newsletter.

Wayne Dyer Intentions

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Conflict Coaching - What the Heck Is It and How Is It Used? Part 1 of 2

Conflict coaches help individuals, pairs, and groups effectively navigate disagreements at work and home. A specialty within the broader coaching field, highly skilled conflict coaches typically have extensive experience as mediators or dispute resolution professionals, as well as coach training and practice. Think of conflict coaches as your own private guides to better dialogue, better decisions, and healthier work and home relationships.

Conflict Coaching at Work

In the workplace, conflict coaches work with executives, managers, team leaders, project managers, employees, and teams. Individuals or their employers hire conflict coaches in order to:

  • Navigate difficult conversations with grace and confidence.
  • Shift patterns of conflict behavior that arent serving them well at work.
  • Negotiate and advocate more effectively for themselves or their departments.
  • Communicate well under pressure and during disagreements.
  • Learn how to balance good directness with approaches that preserve or strengthen professional relationships.
  • Resolve a dispute with a co-worker before it escalates further.
  • Transform workplace team conflict into efficient and effective decision making.
  • Manage conflict associated with organizational change.
  • Enhance these leadership skills for professional advancement and success.
Some conflict coaches also serve in advisory roles with business owners, supervisors, project managers and HR managers who want the benefit of a conflict resolution professionals insight into workplace problems. In these kinds of situations, businesses and organizations work in tandem with conflict coaches to:

  • Determine the most effective way to manage a conflict situation.
  • Craft the right language and approach for responding to a conflict thats becoming more public.
  • Identify how best to intervene in a conflict and what timing is right.
  • Figure out if theres a way to prevent a conflict from escalating into a grievance.
  • Craft organizational systems for better responding to future conflict situations.
Conflict Coaching at Home

Conflict coaches also work with couples, families and extended families. Couples and families hire conflict coaches in order to:

  • Change the interpersonal dynamics of their conflicts, in order to revive or strengthen a marriage or long-term life partnership.
  • Jointly manage and make decisions about an elders assisted living, personal care, or finances while keeping important family bonds strong.
  • Figure out the most effective approach for working through a parent-teen dispute.Learn how to manage anger more effectively, particularly anger thats sparked from conflict situations.
In the next article of this two-part series, I'll describe what happens in conflict coaching and how to know if conflict coaching is right for you, your family or your workplace.

Get your complimentary copy of Talking It Out in Ten, a worksheet and guide to help you think and prepare for your difficult conversations at work and home.

Dr. Tammy Lenski is a dialogue jump-starter, an expert at helping people talk out their differences and build stronger work and home relationships in the process. Tammy has helped individuals, work teams and entire organizations make their peace with conflict for almost two decades. Known for approaching sticky situations with an educators heart, professional mediators skill, and a creatives instinct, she taps her background as an organizational leader, college professor, executive coach and mediator to serve clients who dont just want to settle conflict but use it to transform their organization or themselves.

Tammy writes extensively about workplace conflict, coaching, and resolution at, where you can find over 400 articles to jump-start your own dialogues.

Mao Zedong

Dealing with Difficult People - Ten Ways to Improve Your Communications Success

Have you noticed that some people seem to stop listening even before you start talking? Do you avoid approaching some people unless you absolutely have too? Improve your chance for conversational success by considering the following ten factors before starting your next conversation.

1. Consider the setting. Where will the conversation take place? Is it public or private? Are there other things going on that will be distracting? Is the setting approapriate for the topic?

2. Consider the personality, gender, culture, age, etc. of the other person. If the person is different from you in these respects, you will want to adapt your style of communication to respect these differences.

3. Consider the internal influences (emotions, bias, etc.) on how you approach the conversation. What is your motivation? What baggage are you bringing with you as you talk with this person? Recognize it so that it won't get in your way.

4. Consider the internal influences (emotions, bias, etc.) on how the other person will receive the message. How might your history of communication with this person impact the way they respond to your approach? Will they be distrustful, anxious, humiliated? Your past words and actions will impact whether they will be receptive to you and your message.

5. Consider the interest level/level of importance of the other person. How much information does this person need to know? Is the topic relevant to their work or do they just need a basic awareness of it? Would verbal bullet points work better than an in-depth report? Be careful not to overwhelm someone with how much you know. They may think you are just trying to impress them or boast about your knowledge.

6. Consider the language needs (familiarity with topic, jargon, educational level, etc.) of the other person. Are you using words the person is familiar with or talking over their head? Are you talking in a demeaning way by "dumbing down" your word choices?

7. Consider what you want to accomplish by initiating the conversation. Keep your goal and the message in the front of your mind. If you need to relay information make sure that the person understands the information. If you need to address a challenge, make sure you address the challenge without making it a personal battle.

8. Consider what the other person might need to receive from the conversation. Stick to the information the other person needs. Don't try to become friends or talk about personal stuff if the other person isn't responding positively to that direction of your conversation.

9. Consider the long-term impact of the words, tone, and gestures they use. You may be having a bad day, but the other person may take your comments or attitude personally. That will impact future conversations. If you've had a bad day and said something inappropriate go back to the person to apologize and briefly explain that you were having a bad day and wrongly took it out on that person.

10. Consider the external factors (noise, distractions, setting, etc.) that will impact how the message is relayed and received. Again we return to setting. Make sure that you initiate and participate in conversations that provide the best environment for a successful exchange of ideas and information.

Copyright 2005. Donna Doyon works with people who want to develop and present seminars or workshops to promote their small business or organization. Visit to learn how public speaking can increase your bottom line.

Wayne Dyer Intentions

Thursday, June 12, 2008

S.M.A.R.T. Goals

(excerpted from the Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan)

Jim Rohn's Second Pillar of Success: Goal-Setting, Part Three - S.M.A.R.T. Goals

Hi, Jim Rohn here. As you know, we are focused on the Second Pillar of Success this month - Goal-Setting.

We have introduced the four main components of Goal-Setting:

1. Evaluation and Reflection.
The only way we can reasonably decide what we want in the future and how we will get there, is to first know where we are right now and secondly, what our level of satisfaction is for where we are in life. As we focus this month on goal-setting, our first order of business and our topic two weeks ago was evaluation and reflection.

2. Dreams and Goals.
What are your dreams and goals? Not related to the past or what you think you can get, but what you want. Have you ever really sat down and thought through your life values and decided what you really want? This isn't something that someone else says you should have or what culture tells us successful people do or have. These are the dreams and goals that are born out of your own heart and mind. These are the goals that are unique to you and come from who you were created to be and gifted to become. Last week we showed you exactly how to find out what you want from life.

3. S.M.A.R.T. Goals.
S.M.A.R.T. means Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-sensitive.

Specific: Don't be vague. Exactly what do you want?

Measurable: Quantify your goal. How will you know if you've achieved it or not?

Attainable: Be honest with yourself about what you can reasonably accomplish at this point in your life - along with taking into consideration your current responsibilities.

Realistic: It's got to be do-able, real and practical.

Time: Associate a timeframe with each goal. When should you complete the goal?

We will spend time this week looking at how to apply the S.M.A.R.T. test to your goals to make sure they are as powerful as they can be!

4. Accountability.
Think of the word "accountable." It means to "give an account." When someone knows what your goals are, they help hold you accountable. Whether it is someone else going through this program with you (have you thought about inviting a friend to join you on this one-year journey?) or just someone you can give the basic idea to, having a person who can hold you accountable will give you another added boost to getting your goals! Next week we will show you how to set up an accountability partner.

This week we will be discussing point 3 - S.M.A.R.T. Goals.

S.M.A.R.T. means Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-sensitive.

I really like this acronym S.M.A.R.T., because we want to be smart when we set our goals. We want to intelligently decide what our goals will be so that we can actually accomplish them. We want to set the goals that our heart conceives, that our mind believes and that our bodies will carry out. Let's take a closer look at each of the components of S.M.A.R.T. goals:

Specific: Goals are no place to waffle. They are no place to be vague. Ambiguous goals produce ambiguous results. Incomplete goals produce incomplete futures.

When we are specific, we harness the power of our dreams and set forces into action that empower us to achieve our goals. We then know exactly what it is we are shooting for. There is no question. As we establish our priorities and manage our time, we do so for a specific goal to achieve the results we expect. There is no wondering or guessing. The future is locked into our minds and we see it - specifically - and that is powerful! Never underestimate just how important it is to have very specific, concrete goals. They act as magnets that draw you toward them! A S.M.A.R.T. goal is specific.

Measurable: Always set goals that are measurable. I would say "specifically measurable" to take into account our principle of being specific as well. Our goals should be such that we know when we are advancing and by how much. Whether it is by hours, pounds, dollars or whatever, we should be able to see exactly how we are measuring up as we proceed through the journey of life using our goals. Could you imagine if you didn't measure your goals? You would never know which way you were going or even if you were going anywhere! A S.M.A.R.T. goal is measurable.

Attainable: One of the detrimental things that many people do - and they do it with good intentions - is to set goals that are so high they are unattainable. Yes, it is very important to set big goals that cause your heart to soar with excitement, but it is also imperative to make sure that they are attainable. In the next section we talk about being realistic. So what does it mean to be attainable? An attainable goal is one that is both realistic but also attainable in a shorter period of time than what you have to work with. Now when I say attainable, I don't mean easy. Our goals should be set so they are just out of our reach; so they will challenge us to grow as we reach forward to achieve them. After the next paragraph, I will give you an example of a goal that is both attainable and realistic. A S.M.A.R.T. goal is attainable.

Realistic: The root word of realistic is "real." A goal has to be something that we can reasonably make "real" or a "reality" in our lives. There are some goals that simply are not realistic. You have to be able to say, even if it is a tremendously stretching goal, that yes, indeed, it is entirely realistic -- that you could make it. You may even have to say that it will take x, y, and z to do it, but if those happen, then it can be done. This is in no way to say it shouldn't be a big goal, but it must be realistic. This is to a great degree, up to the individual. For one person a goal may be realistic, but for another unrealistic. I would encourage you to be very honest with yourself as you do your planning and evaluation. Perhaps it would be good to get a friend to help you (as long as that friend is by nature an optimist and not a pessimist). This can go a long way toward helping you know what is realistic. A S.M.A.R.T. goal is realistic.

Example of Attainable and Realistic: Knowing that perhaps you could use a bit of help differentiating attainable and realistic, here is an example: You are overweight and have 150 pounds to lose to get to your proper weight. Is that goal attainable? Yes, considering that you also make it realistic. For example, it isn't realistic to think you can do it in 5 months. 18-24 months would be realistic (with hard work). Thus, losing 150 pounds in 2 years is both attainable and realistic, while losing 150 pounds in 5 months is neither attainable nor realistic.

Time: Every goal should have a timeframe attached to it. I think that life itself is much more productive for us as humans because there is a timeframe connected to it. Could you imagine how much procrastination there would be on earth if people never died? We would never get "around to it." We could always put it off. One of the powerful aspects of a great goal is that it has an end, a time in which you are shooting to accomplish it. You start working on it because you know there is an end. As time goes by you work because you don't want to get behind. As it approaches, you work diligently because you want to meet the deadline. You may even have to break down a big goal into different measured parts time frames. That is okay. Set smaller goals and work them out in their own time. A S.M.A.R.T. goal has a timeline.

Be sure to spend some reflection time this week to make sure your goals fit the S.M.A.R.T. parameters. Go through the reflection questions below and the action points associated with them. Doing so will put a real engine in your goals and make them charged with power to help you accomplish your dreams.

Until next week, let's do something remarkable!

Jim Rohn

Reproduced with permission from Jim Rohn's Weekly E-zine. Copyright 2005 Jim Rohn International. All rights reserved worldwide. To subscribe to Jim Rohn's Weekly E-zine, go to

Similarities Between Hinduism

Tell-Tale Signs Someone You Care About May Be Undermining Your Success!

Success shouldn't be an emotional struggle.

Having someone, especially someone you care about, verbally or emotionally "pick away" at the positive achievements in your life, quickly becomes discouraging, disheartening and disillusioning.

Is there someone you care about who may be consciously or unconsciously undermining your motivation to succeed?

Emotional support is important. It's natural to want encouragement from the important people in your life. If you're feeling a lack of enthusiasm and emotional support from significant others, family, friends and loved ones, the question becomes - what's making them unhappy and/or uncomfortable with your success?

The human mind reacts instantly, powerfully and effectively to any form of discomfort, whether actual or imagined. For example, if your successes begin to make someone you care about uncomfortable, the person experiencing this discomfort will unconsciously want you to experience his/her discomfort too. After all they unconsciously rationalize, you're the one creating the discomfort. It's like a knee-jerk reaction, I'm uncomfortable so I need you to share my discomfort. I'd venture to guess that the majority of discouraging and sabotaging slings and arrows you receive are unconscious and unplanned.

The human mind does whatever it takes, to preserve and protect the status-quo. Even, if the status quo is disempowering or negative. After all, the status quo is comfortable.

Logically, it doesn't matter that your successes will improve the lives of those around you. If the other people in your life aren't ready for change, then unconsciously or even consciously, they'll still do whatever it takes to protect the tried and true.

Think about your desire to achieve this way. Your loved ones aren't the ones walking in your shoes. Everyone sees the world through their own eyes, framed by their own life experiences.

More than likely, they didn't even realize that their way of life would have to change just because you want to become more successful. That can be a rude and powerful "aha" for many of your inner circle of friends and family. If you're bombarded with discouragement and negativity, then those people closest to you are uncomfortable with the "unknowns" of your success. They're wondering - How will you change? Will you still have time for them? Will you still care about them? It's time to sit down and analyze what's creating the stress within yourself and the discomfort within the other important people in your life.

Here are two questions to ask yourself - take pen and paper and set aside some quiet time to think about and write out the answers. Finding the reason for the subtle, but powerful, sabotaging messages is a beginning to discovering the solutions -

1. Make a list of all people you believe are unhappy and/or uncomfortable with your desire to improve and empower yourself. Does the discouragement usually originate within your family? Or, is it through the words or actions of friends? Or, maybe it's the often joking "zings" of coworkers? Which one person, of all the people you've listed, seems to be able to hurt and disturb you the most? How? Why does it hurt so much?

2. Is there a pattern to what happens between you and the other person (people) just before the discouragement or negativity begins? Did you share a hope or dream, talk about something that made you happy but that they weren't a part of, receive monetary or emotional recognition from someone of authority or, have to take some of your time and energy away from them? There's something happening that creates an emotional "hurt" within the other person (people) - that's what you're discovering by answering this question. You can't address the problem and find solutions, if you don't recognize and understand the root of the problem.

Becky Kimes is a professional coach, speaker and author who specializes in helping women break through the invisible barriers keeping them from manifesting their dreams. She works with individuals, and conducts live workshops and tele-seminars. More information can be found at

John Ortberg

Time Management Program - Punctuality is Important

Punctuality is a big deal in time management. Everyone is late sometimes, right? Yes, most people are occasionally late and when they are its because of an unexpected occurrence. But when you are habitually late punctuality is an issue you need to address.

When you arent punctual you set yourself up for escalating levels of stress. When you start the day late you tend to run late the entire day. Even though you may not place a high value on punctuality, recognize that others do. Lateness can lose you the sale, cost you the job, diminish the level of respect the other person has for you because they are thinking that if you cant even be counted on to be on time how can they count on you for something important.

Punctuality is an integrity issue that creates chaos in your time management program. When you arent punctual you are demonstrating a lack of integrity with yourself and others. When you agree to hold an appointment at a specific time and then youre late you have missed an opportunity to keep your word. Keeping your word enables you to feel good about yourself and others to feel good about you.

Punctuality communicates more than timeliness. When you arent punctual it demonstrates a lack of focus and clarity on whats important. When something is really important to you, you will be on time. Being late communicates the appointment wasnt important to you.

How do you improve your punctuality? Start allowing a little slack time between your appointments. Give yourself at least an extra 15 minutes between each appointment. Then if youre a little early use those few minutes to do those little things that dont take much time like reading an article, making a quick phone call, planning the next weeks calendar etc. As you improve your timeliness youll feel a whole lot better and more in control. You wont need to be speeding around to get everywhere, and you project a more professional image.

Would you like to learn more about your time behaviors? Try this Time Management Analysis and find out where your opportunities for improvement are.

Do you have $1 to invest in your future? Give Coaching a Try.


Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Managing Change In Your Life

Your comfort zone is the place you feel safe, where there is no sense of risk. To step out of this place can feel scary and the thought of transforming the status quo can be overwhelming. It is also very easy to say that you will make change in your life when you have lost weight/moved house/have more money/the children have gone to school, etc, then never make that change or come up with new excuses not to move forward.

Change can be defined as an event that occurs when something passes from one state or phase to another, to make different; or cause a transformation.

The journey of making change is not always easy. When people make major change in their life, whether it is a voluntary or forced change, they go through a range of emotions and thoughts.

Their reactions are often as follows:

1. Denial - "it can't be true" or "I can't believe it"
2. Blaming others - "they shouldn't have done that" or "it is their fault"
3. Blaming themselves - "I should have known" or "it's my fault"
4. Accepting the new situation - "where do I go from here?"
5. Committing to change - "I'm going to do something about this"
6. Creative problem solving - "what am I going to do next?", "what are my options?"
7. Persevering and overcoming obstacles by being persistent - "I can do this!"

Sometimes people go through these stages quickly, but often they get stuck in the early stages of the model, and feel negative and sometimes depressed about a situation.

Even when making a voluntary change, such as changing your career or setting up a new business, it is still easy to find yourself in the areas of negativity. This is especially true in the early stages, such as the first days or weeks in a new job or the first few months of running a business.

It is important to get to stage 4 as quickly as possible, and to set a plan to move on.

It is also important that you think about the reactions of other people in your life. They may also go through these stages as life will be different, and you may need their support.

" Consult them when you are making decisions and seek their advice
" If you have a problem, ask for their help and listen to their views
" Involve them in your vision boardand your plan for the future

Managing change is an area where coaching can help. Clients will normally come for coaching because they want to significantly want to transform their lives. Sometimes they may not know what they want but are not happy with the status quo, or they may have an idea, but not know how to get there. It is then the role of the coach to empower them to move through the various stages as quickly as possible and achieve law of success!

If you would like to receive regular information, hints and tips, sign up for free the Self Discovery newsletter by clicking on the link at and receive a free life evaluator tool and coaching report.

Copyright Karen Williams 2007. All Rights Reserved

Karen Williams is a Life and Career Development Coach and runs her own coaching practice, Self Discovery Coaching. She has over ten years experience of working in Human Resources, training, coaching and management roles and is a Chartered member of the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD).

Spiritual Thoughts

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Strong Relationship - The Five Requirements For Keeping a Relationship Growing Strong

Everyone is familiar with the dangers of "growing apart." Two people who were once inseparable gradually lose their affinity. Their desires differ; even their values may be at odds. They no longer see eye-to-eye. Sadly, even when they continue to be fond of each other, their ability to share closely and to understand each other deeply is gone.

The only sure prevention for growing apart is growing together. To law of successfully grow together, there are five pairs of qualities we need to combine. We must be

1. Invested AND Loving

2. Towards AND Sensitive

3. Open/Appreciative AND Adaptive to Feedback

4. Aware AND Patient

5. Self-Supportive AND Supportive of the Other

Oftentimes, one of the qualities in each pair is emphasized over the other; sometimes, the two qualities even appear to conflict. But to insure that the relationship will thrive, both must be maintained in balance. You'll understand why when we look at the pairs in detail.

1. Invested AND Loving

Why WOULDN'T being invested and loving always go together? To be invested is to care, and caring and loving certainly belong together. Love relationships depend on:

1. Caring a great deal in the first place (because starting a relationship otherwise would be tragic), and

2. Continuing to care from then on (because ceasing to care at any point excessively erodes the quality of intimacy).

Continued caring -- that is, continued personal investment -- is essential to the health of intimacies of all kinds. Continued caring is required for constancy, and reasonable constancy is a MUST for relationship harmony.

Yet constancy in caring is not a foregone conclusion in relationships. Why not? When we see caring as a personal investment, one that contains an element of self-interest, suddenly it is clear that caring and loving CAN become, for all intents and purposes, OPPOSITES. Certainly, love is the opposite of self-interest.

Our constancy is tested anytime our desires are frustrated in our relationships (we are not getting our way or getting what we want in some matter). For example, what happens when we care about someone but the way they feel about us is NOT how we would want them to feel? At such times, we are tempted to give up. We justify giving up by telling ourselves, "I have too much on it to handle it well." "I need to not care, or to care LESS, because I care too much." So we strategically reduce caring to reduce the resentment, anger, and pain of being disappointed. But then we tend to become UNtowards, and UNloving, which will downgrade the quality of the relationship.

Obviously, reducing our caring is a self-protective decision we make because we don't WANT to suffer that situation. So when people ask, "How CAN I care about something when I'm not getting what I want?," the answer might be, "You may feel that you can't care about something when you're not getting what you want, but quite possibly, you are ABLE to care, but you are just not WILLING."

There's no avoiding this conclusion: for relationship law of success, the starting point called CARING must be joined with the willingness to CONTINUE caring -- EVEN WHEN we do not get our way. And, for intimacy to work, CARING -- in the sense of being invested and involved -- MUST be held as compatible with LOVING, or staying towards -- not mutually exclusive.

In relationship, one simply MUST be willing to "have a lot on it" AND continue to care. The secret of law of success with this surprisingly challenging pair of qualities is to learn that a strong investment does not have to be selfishly, egotistically held. And this returns us to the real crux of the matter: we must care AND love. So the solution that supports relationship law of success goes like this:

1. Care a lot -- have a high INVESTMENT -- but hold your investment GRACEFULLY rather than EGOTISTICALLY.

2. Bear gracefully the occasional disappointments and frustrations that are experienced in ALL relationships.

3. Continue to CARE.

4. Continue to LOVE.

2. Towards AND Sensitive

Clearly, the reality of caring relates to the disposition of towardsness. In order to be nurturing to others, you must be energetically TOWARDS in relation to them. People can have healthy love relationships ONLY with those they energetically feed. Successful relationship partners consistently nurture one another.

When people think of continuing to care or continuing to be towards, even in the face of obstacles, the first approach is to keep trying -- insensitively. The feeling is, "I care about this, so I am going to keep trying to make this happen no matter what you think." We shut our eyes and run at the wall. Ouch!

To push ahead insensitively is the FIVE CENT solution to the problem. But obviously, that thrifty solution can't work, because insensitive persistence is off-putting. The REAL solution is deeper, and more sophisticated.

Since towardsness without sensitivity is divisive, relationship continuity depends on developing the skill of being SENSITIVE at the same time as being TOWARDS. An essential aspect of this winning towards-plus-sensitive combination is the ability to REMAIN towards even when sensitivity dictates that it is not the right time to directly and mutually share energy. A person who does not remain towards at such times is sure to remain untowards MOST of the time -- which, needless to say, will not work.

Sensitivity helps us feel what is needed, and motivates us to find a way to provide that. When the context demands it, we must exercise the ability to stay energetically connected with our beloved during periods of physical separation. We must give our partner space, without diminishing our psychic support and heartfelt caring. In this way, we gradually discover that we can be towards under ALL conditions

3. Open/Appreciative AND Adaptive to Feedback

A good relationship is alive, not static -- it is a PROCESS OF GROWTH, not a THING. In relationship, we either grow, or else we kill the relationship.

In order to grow, we MUST be open to feedback. And if we are REALLY open to feedback, then we go even farther than TOLERATING feedback; we actually APPRECIATE feedback. The reality of the situation is, we MUST appreciate feedback, and express that appreciation, because otherwise, people are liable to stop giving feedback to us. And if they stop giving feedback to us, then our relationship is in SERIOUS trouble.

However, there is NO USE giving and receiving feedback if it produces no change. The necessary next step is to ADJUST based on the feedback which is received. A person who wishes to succeed in relationship MUST ADJUST.

Since relationship is a dynamic adventure, law of success in that adventure absolutely requires flexibility and adaptation. Growing together happens when people give each other feedback, AND make the appropriate adjustments.

4. Aware AND Patient

No one is perfect. Therefore, knowing how to rightly hold the shortcomings of our intimates is a perennial requirement of right relationship. The ideal balance in this regard is to be aware of their flaws, and also at the same time, to be patient. Let's break this pair of qualities down and look at the contribution of each.

First, love requires us to be aware of flaws. "Wait a minute!" you may think. "People who are truly loving will not let ordinary human imperfections turn them away from their commitment to the people they love. So, to consciously overlook faults is only just, compassionate, and wise." That is true, but on the other hand, think again: to overlook a serious problem is downright foolish. Denial has nothing whatsoever to do with love. Love is both compassionate AND conscious.

Second, love requires patience. In a world where, most of the time, change comes slower than one would like, one MUST be patient. Otherwise, impatience and intolerance will erode goodwill and towards orientation -- the very factors upon which relationship health depends. Likewise, only patience creates a context secure enough for our beloveds to feel safe in making a change.

Also, patience helps us to gracefully bear the frustration and sorrow we may feel from the human frailties and limitations of our loved ones. Without patience, awareness would be intolerable. Therefore, it is necessary to see and deal with the faults of others, and to do so PATIENTLY, over a long period of time, WITHOUT giving up. BOTH together are what relationship requires.

5. Self-Supportive AND Supportive of the Other

Many people think that they can "let themselves go" and still be able to serve their intimates. UNTRUE! Maintaining ONESELF in good shape is ESSENTIAL to maintaining any intimate relationship in good shape as a whole. Think about it: what happens to those who do NOT do what is necessary to keep themselves bright and strong AFTER entering into relationship? They become weak and dull, of course. And what kind of relationship is liable to happen between people who are weak and dull? A weak and dull relationship, of course!

To make good on the basic commitment of being nurturing -- that is, being towards our relationship partners energetically and emotionally -- there are several levels upon which we must be responsible. We must uphold a certain level of consciousness by maintaining positive thoughts, benign intentions, and constructive orientations. We must also engage in right activity to maintain reasonable vital strength. To neglect these responsibilities only reduces our ability to support our beloveds. To meet these responsibilities in order to better care for loved ones requires a commitment to self-culture. And, a LOVE-BASED commitment to self-culture protects us from the limitations of SELFISH motivations for self-work.


Every good quality needs a companion quality to keep it good. For love's sake, it pays to think of these qualities in pairs:

1. Invested AND Loving

2. Towards AND Sensitive

3. Open/Appreciative AND Adaptive to Feedback

4. Aware AND Patient

5. Self-Supportive AND Supportive of the Other

Amadon is the founder of the Living Love Fellowship. Over the last thirty years, he has given personal spiritual direction to hundreds of people, in the context of committed, loving friendship. He seeks to serve each person's true self-expression and intimate relationship with God. He has written numerous articles, many of which can be found at the organization's website,

Home Guide and Informaiton Blog

Inner Peace

Finding inner peace can be difficult. We meditate, do yoga, read books, go to workshops, learn mantras, hang affirmations on our refrigerators and yet we remain troubled. What are we missing? Is it just that we are not sufficiently spiritual? Are we not doing it right? That is how it feels much of the time.

Years ago I learned about spirituality through Zen meditation. I sat morning and evening, religiously (if you will pardon the pun), seven days a week, at least twice a day. I got calm, my breathing deepened and the world slowed down as I began to focus on what was really important in life. My friends noticed the changes occurring in me. I went deep. I touched a place of inner peace and calm I had no idea even existed.

Bliss? Hardly. It scared the hell out of me! I had to quit for a while. I had never known that level of openness and feeling that vulnerable shook me to my core. It would be some time before I had the courage to go that deeply or feel that vulnerable again. Fortunately, the experience planted something so deep and powerful in me that I could not ignore it. I had to pursue it. So here I am, 30 years later, eternally grateful for an experience that literally scared the daylights out of me. But the fear I experienced then is the same fear that keeps most people from finding inner peace today.

In order for the transformation to the God Space to occur, the self must surrender to the vastness that is the universe. This presents the ego with its greatest fear: the loss of self. The ego, based in your beliefs, stands in opposition to the God Space. It seeks completely different ends.

Beliefs and the ego function through the creation of difference. You are this, I am that. You are attractive, I am overweight - that sort of thing. Being able to separate, even though it means putting ourselves down, gives us a sense of control and the illusion of safety. If I am different from you, then I can separate from you and pull up my drawbridge if I get into trouble. It gives me a way to hide.

Where the ego operates through separation, the God Space operates through unity and harmony. In the God Space there is nothing to restrict the flow of information or energy. There is no separation. There are no drawbridges to pull up. There are no beliefs and no values. There is no good or bad, things just are.

Since energy flows freely in the God Space, there is awareness of everything, instead of the limited perspective we hold in waking reality. In the God Space there is no me, there is no you, as we know them here. There is only compassion, which is our natural state. Therefore there can be no fear, for there is nothing to fear. Fear can only live in the shadow that is the unknown.

In the God Space there is no thinking, for there is nothing to think about! There is an old clich that goes, God does not have to think. When you have total awareness, you just do what needs to be done. You dont have to think about it. This concept can be difficult for Westerners to accept because we are heavily conditioned to depend on our thinking and logic. We have been taught that this is one of mans greatest attributes. After all, it is what separates us from the dumb animals and the ignorant savages.

To an ego accustomed to living in a world of separation, the seeming chaos of the God Space is very threatening. In waking reality, the mind controls everything. In the God Space it controls nothing. In the God Space, the ego ceases to function because it is irrelevant! It is the threat of losing these defenses that frightens us. We are asked to give up that which we think has given us shelter from the hurts and bruises of life. It is a lot like asking an ostrich to give up the sand it hides its head in. To an outsider, the ostrichs behavior makes little sense, but to the ostrich, that sand is pretty important.

There is also an incredible irony here. In giving up the small self, one gains a vast, intimate knowledge and connection with the rest of the universe. Letting go of the small self is a minuscule sacrifice measured against an incredible gain. It is like putting quarters into a slot machine and hitting the jackpot every time! Yes, you spend your quarters, but look at what you gain! The wonderful thing about the God Space is that there is no risk. The outcome is guaranteed before you even make the commitment!

But what if I wont be able to do it? the ego says. Im afraid I wont measure up. We fear that our petition to be loved will be rejected and that we will be left standing naked in the awful truth that we are lacking. This is a fascinating part of the process of transformation. Even though almost every human fears failing the test, it is impossible for us to fail! We are a part of the God Consciousness and the outcome is pre-ordained.

In our past lives the ego dominated our behavior and destined our lives to turn out badly. Near the end, facing destruction, we finally turned to God for rescue. But the dominance of our egos left little room for anything other than me, my pain, my misery. There was little God could or would do because we had closed the door to real help. And we were going to need this painful experience to eventually motivate us to change. But, as a result, we felt abandoned. The residue of those old wounds can make surrender to the God Space difficult today. After all, what would you do if the Creator told you that you werent worth His time or trouble?

Spiritual dilemmas are unique in that they have only one outcome. There is only one destination, one Truth. No matter what circuitous route you take, you must eventually come to know the truth about who and what you are. That is the perfection of the process, and it applies to individuals, families, nations and to all humankind. You can resist and make life more difficult and more painful than is necessary. I did for years! (But this was also a vital part of my healing process.) You may feel unworthy, but there is no way you can be unworthy. That truth must eventually win out. There is simply nowhere else for you to go!

Life is not about becoming something different than you are. Life is finding out that it is safe to let go of the protective beliefs you cling to that are not you. When you take the risk to let go of your beliefs, you stand closer to the God Space.

You are already the magnificent being you are becoming. Most people do not understand this. The evolution is not in you; it is in your consciousness. The change is a change of perspective as you surrender to the truth that God has always been in control. What shifts is the way you see things. Your learning, the comprehension you will gain, is the crux of the transformational process called enlightenment.

The knowledge of how to come home has been with us for thousands of years, and if it were just about knowledge, you would have made changes to yourself long ago. When it comes to things like being loving or living your life, you know what you need to do, because that comes naturally from the God Space. But of course, doing it is another matter. So, where do you begin? As with all spiritual concepts, the answer is easy to understand but somewhat more difficult to practice:


It means just what it says. Good, bad, indifferent love it. Beautiful, ugly, joyful, sad, and even painful love it.[1] That may sound crazy, but that is what living from the God Space means. Everything that happens occurs for a purpose, even though we often do not understand what that purpose is. Loving Everything, means finding the faith to trust in Gods process. The path you have taken will eventually require that you love everything anyway, so you might as well get on with it.

You are being twisted and pulled into a new form, and no one likes doing that, so you are not going to like a lot of what happens here. But when you resist the process, it makes life that much more difficult. Dont be masochistic about it, but recognize that this process will ultimately lead to your enlightenment. Besides in the meantime, living nearer to the God Space makes daily life incredibly more joyous and peaceful. Oh, and by the way, while you are learning to love everything, remember that the most important part of Loving Everything is loving yourself!

[1] Gay Hendricks has been teaching this concept for years and I am grateful to him for the idea.

Ross Bishop is a shaman practicing in Charlottesville, VA. You can learn more about him and find more of his writings at his web site,

Bob Proctor and the Science of Getting Rich

Monday, June 9, 2008

Relationship Magic - Healthy Relationships Start With These 7 Steps

Although for some people, it seems like love at first sight brings a couple together. However, in reality, some basic steps take place first.

1.Initial attraction and spending time.

At first, two people find things in common that attract them to one another. They find they like to be outdoors together, for example, or hang out and talk together, or any number of things. This gradually grows until the two people spend more and more time together enjoying each others company.

2.Passion Grows.

Almost like magnets, the two people are drawn together for physical contact. Hugs, holding hands and light kisses become part of each Goodbye. And the two people never seem to want the evenings to end, the weekend fun to stop.

3.Making Time to Be Together.

Now extra time is made so that the two can meet. They get together for lunch during work breaks, for instance. They decide to attend the same church together. One invites the other over while babysitting for a family member. Both people are gradually introducing their mates to their family and friends, work associates, neighbors, fellow church members, etc. as time is stretched for them to be together.

4.Love Grows.

Somewhere in here feelings grow to where one person can almost feel like an extension of the other. The couples names roll off tongues of workers, family members, friends, etc. as if they were always a pair and not individuals. One person gets an invitation for both of them now. They are a pair and they feel that they belong to each other in the heart.

5.Friends and Family Members.

Gentle nudges start coming from aunts, siblings, and close friendsall who wonder when the happy couple will be getting married. Little spats and first serious arguments may start coming up and these close friends and family members intervene to help.

6.Growing Together.

Finally the couple settles down together in the same home. They grow together in good times and bad, for better and worse, richer or poorer and really mean it. They know they have plenty of support from family and friends if they need help, and they offer their support in a similar manner right back.

7.Facing Change Together.

The unexpected happens, sudden illness, deaths, job loss, children and much more. Yet the couple maintains a solid relationship based upon friendship and love.

For more tips and tools we would like to offer you free access to our Relationship Start Up Guide: 50 Things You Should Know Before Starting a Relationship. Visit us at

From Bj Moorer and

Biblical Contradictions

Sexless Marriage Survival Skills

Enduring a sexless marriage is no easy endeavor. The feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and deep insecurity can challenge any man's masculinity or woman's femininity. Most importantly as an individual you need to be good to yourself and not come down hard on yourself.

Life is a learning process. Marriage is no different. Living with and unconditionally loving anyone day and night is no easy task. Therefore give yourself a pat on the back just for being willing to play and endure another day. That being said know that living with you is no walk in the park either. Each individual has their own nuances and peculiarities that make cohabitation challenging.

Nevertheless if you are married this is what you signed up for. That being said have a laugh and don't take yourself too seriously. Live and let live. Give yourself the freedom to fail and provide your spouse the same. Unconditional love is a new concept for many who live self-absorbed lives. However unconditional love is the very thing that resurrects dead feelings and emotions.

Never negatively comment about your spouse in the bedroom. Focus on your likes rather than your dislikes. God only gave us all one body, which we should care for and cherish. Begin with honoring your body as the divine temple it is that ultimately was designed to house the spirit within.

Accentuate the positives and eliminate the negatives. Yet when necessary stand up for yourself should your spouse be given to continual criticism and tearing you down. Whenever my wife points out my stomach, I touch her thighs. She immediately jerks back in offense to which I respond saying I only brought it up to give you a taste of your own medicine.

Such ridiculing remarks does not endear us to one another. It is better to let it go and choose to love rather than lessen one another. When you diminish your spouse you diminish yourself because you are one. Besides you chose to marry that person so what does that say about you?

Live positively, express yourself affectionately, and concerning your weaknesses communicate transparently. It is the human tendency show empathy to the suffering and afflicted. If you are troubled and tormented by your body image, communicate that. Honesty is liberating.

I often shield complaints from people with: "Love me or leave me." Another personal favorite is, "I love me so much. I hope you will too!"

You've got to celebrate and love yourself before anyone else will. That being said if your spouse withholds sex from you or is quick to criticize don't let it bother you. Be secure in yourself and the God who marvelously created you.

So what if you are not the most sexually competent person in the bedroom. Nevertheless be confident as that is contagious. We are attracted to those who uphold and love themselves. If you don't love you how can anyone else?

You are the only you there will ever be. Therefore rejoice and celebrate your uniqueness and difference. Delight in the Creator who made you and watch and see if others don't begin to.

Never let your spouse get you down. The sun shines above the clouds.

No matter how much romance, nice dinners, fancy dates, weekend getaways, kind words, loving deeds, and delightful gifts you give some people they still find something to complain about. You don't have to be perfect. Just be passionate!

Stop living for others and start living for you and purposefully for your Creator. It will do wonders for you and revolutionize your life. People treat you the way you allow them to. What you tolerate will dominate.

You can live without sex, but you cannot live without love. Love and be good to yourself today!

Refuse to get bitter when people treat you poorly. Practice loving unconditionally. Overcome evil with good and live large like you should.

Master the art of loving and listening without becoming angry. Improve yourself while loving yourself unconditionally along the way.

Transform your sex life by reason of your love life.

Paul Davis is a highly sought after professional speaker, life purpose coach, worldwide minister, and change master.

Paul is the author of several books including United States of Arrogance, Breakthrough for a Broken Heart; Adultery: 101 Reasons Not to Cheat; Are You Ready for True Love; Stop Lusting & Start Living; Waves of God; Supernatural Fire; Poems that Propel the Planet; and God vs. Religion.

Paul's compassion for people & passion to travel has taken him to over 50 countries of the world where he has had a tremendous impact. Paul's organization Dream-Maker Ministries is building dreams, breaking limitations & reviving nations.

Paul inspires, revives, awakens, impregnates with purpose, imparts the fire of desire, catapults people into a new level of self-awareness, facilitates destiny discovery and dream fulfillment.

Contact Paul to minister, speak at your event or for life coaching:

Predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Three Steps to Strengthen Trust in Your Intimate Relationship

When it comes to intimate relationships, trust is too often taken for granted. We often make agreements with the ones we love which may include being there for each other no matter what, staying faithful to one another, and always trying to deepen our relationship. We trust-- or dont trust-- that these agreements will be honored.

However, if you take a clear look at your everyday life with your love, you might begin to wonder if your relationship is really based on a strong sense of trust.

Trust might be limited in subtle ways or perhaps more intense ones. It could be that you doubt that your partner will love you if you let your true self be seen. Maybewith no proof of ityou fear that your partner is cheating on you. Or perhaps you regularly expect that your love will not follow through on his or her promises. Regardless of how subtle or intense, weakened or lacking trust will interfere with your relationship being as intimate as it could be.

See the similarities with this example..

Wall climbing is a popular sport in which the climber ascends a wall which may be 50 ft. up in the air with nothing holding him or her up there except a harness, rope and your climbing partneror belayerwho stands on the ground holding that rope. Lets name our pretend climber Lori. From the top of the wall she gazes down at the ground and might begin to wonder: How sturdy is this rope that is holding me up? Will my belayer prevent me from falling and get me down safely? Despite her love of wall climbing, Lori begins to experience some nervousness and trepidation.

Her belayerwell call him Nealhas to pay attention to what Lori is doing on the wall and adjust the climbing rope accordingly. For her part, Lori has the choice to trust that Neal will gently ease her down the wall to the ground once shes reached the top. If Neal is distracted, it could mean not only a bumpy ride down but also Loris safety in jeopardy. But Lori could also choose to allow her fears to take over, mistrust Neal, and end up hanging indefinitely on the wall refusing to move! It is literally a leap of faith when she lets go of the holds and allows herself to be lowered down. Climber and belayer must work together, stay present, and communicate clearly so that the climbing experience will be enjoyable and not end up an emergency room visit!

There are many parallels with intimate relationships. One or both people may feel vulnerable from time to time and wonder whether or not the other person will be there when needed. The unfortunate result of a lack of trust is that intimacy cannot grow and relationships can become stuck.

These 3 steps can help strengthen trust and intimacy.

1. Allow yourself to let go of the past.

It is not uncommon for the hurt of painful past relationships to leave us resistant to loving or trusting others. Become aware of your present situation and allow yourself to let go of those old hurts. This might mean that you see the ways that the past comes up for you in the present. Breathe and remind yourself to allow the past to go and shift your attention to whats currently going on.

2. Let your true colors show.

No matter what habits, tendencies, or desires we think we need to hide from our partner, find the courage to let every part of yourself show. Intimacy is undercut when we dont trust our partner to love us as we are. Deep down we may not feel lovable as our true selves. Chances are your love will be more accepting than you think. So set an intention to appreciate yourself completely and then allow every part of you to be seen by your partner.

3. Practice Listening from the Heart and Find Understanding.

Just as we saw in the example of the wall climber and belayer, listening to one another is vital to strong intimacy and trust in a love relationship. When a situation comes up that challenges your trust, stop your thoughts and ask your love questions to clarify what seems to be happening. It is highly likely that what you think you are seeing is just not accurate. Open your heart, listen, and really try to understand what is going on for your partner.

These 3 steps can help you strengthen trust in your intimate relationship. It starts with letting go, loving yourself, and listening with an open heart.

Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors who help people create lives that are filled with more passion, love and connection. For more tips and free articles on creating great relationships, sign up for their free mini-course and newsletter at

Henri Nouwen

Yoga for Beginners: Stress Management Solutions

Yoga training gives us empowerment. Among the many powers we receive from regular Yoga practice is the power to say no. How often do you fill your plate with excessive obligations? Do you take on problems, which cannot be helped? We are not talking about getting away from your responsibilities. Some of us have a terrible time saying no to people who waste our time.

Here is an example: A co-worker has had the same problem, day in, day out, for years, and calls you on the telephone, about her problem, at your home. You have errands to run, for your family, but this co-worker spends the better part of an hour using you for a sounding board. You have given her advice, but she never listens because she is too busy complaining to consider listening to you or solving her problem.

Your Yoga teacher talks about mindfulness and loving kindness toward others all the time. What can you do? Do not pick up the phone or try to handle this persons problems. You have given this person advice and she refuses to listen.

Your Yoga teacher has discussed living in the moment. Your objective is to make positive changes, now, for a brighter future. You cannot do that, if you are listening to the same problem over and over again. What is the best course of action?

As Yoga practitioners, we should show loving kindness, mindfulness, and help others whenever it is possible, but we cannot help anyone who refuses to take responsibility for his or her life.

When you empathically listen to your friends, family, and associates - you are giving your time, and this is a form of Karma Yoga, but you cannot afford to absorb their stress. See negative energy for what it is. When a person is full of negative thought, and you cannot help, you will, most likely, absorb this energy in the form of stress.

Now, lets look at some other ways, in which, Yoga will help us with everyday stress. Consider your total health picture. What you eat and drink can also cause stress. Caffeine, which speeds the heart rate and shortens your breath, can be found in coffee, tea, soda, hot cocoa, and chocolate.

How fast do you eat? How much do you eat at one sitting? How much sleep do you get per night? All of these factors can be modified to manage your stress levels. Yoga teaches us that moderation is the key to good health. The results of steady Yoga practice will be reflected by living a less stressful lifestyle and making a change.

One last point to mention: Many of us worry about the future, causing us even more stress. Yoga practice teaches us to live in the present moment. The future has many variables, and we cannot see all of them. Preparation and pro-active behavior should be geared toward finding solutions, instead of worrying. It is normal to worry, but we all know it is a waste of time. How often do the things you worry about really happen?

Copyright 2006 Paul Jerard / Aura Publications

Paul Jerard, E-RYT 500, is a co-owner and the director of Yoga teacher training at: Aura Wellness Center, in Attleboro, MA. He has been a certified Master Yoga teacher since 1995. To receive a Free e-Book: "Yoga in Practice," and a Free Yoga Newsletter, please visit:

Helen Keller