10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship

1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!

2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"

3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!

4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"

5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.

6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly. Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I needx, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?

7. State who YOU are - loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And thenbegin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.

8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?

9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.

10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

Aeschylus And Athens
Confucius The Hero

Halloween Costumes for Pets

Dressing up for Halloween is a tradition that everyone looks forward to. As the holiday approaches, the question What are you going to be for Halloween? begins to ring in the air at home, at school, and even in the workplace. Everyone enjoys dressing up for Halloween and now you can include a costume for your pet dog or cat.

Dressing up a pet dog or cat has become increasingly popular in the last few years. Often, for security purposes, families will have their pet dog with them while trick-or-treating. So, why not dress him up for Halloween also? Dressing up for Halloween can now be for the whole family!

Collars, hats, and capes can be put on your pet dog or cat in a variety of characters. Some of the more popular costumes include Dracula, the devil, and witch apparel. These come complete with capes and headgear. Also popular are the skeleton costumes, which is a full body suit for your pet.

Your pet dog or cat could dress-up as a super-hero. Superman, Batman, Spiderman, and Wonder Woman are among the most popular. Other fun costumes include Star Wars characters, Raggedy Ann, and Zorro.

For those who only want to dress up their pet a little bit and do not want a full costume, there are a variety of head-dresses from which you can choose. There are trick-or-treat bandanas, Santa hats, and even pig-tails. Your pet could be Uncle Sam, or a Christmas elf with just a hat.

With such a variety, you and your pet could have matching or complimentary costumes. Since it is becoming more popular, some local stores will carry Halloween costumes for pets. You can also find pet Halloween costumes on the internet.

Halloween can be a whole new experience when your family and your family pet dress up for Halloween. I guess you could say Halloween has gone to the dogs.

Denise Duncan has seven children and four grandchildren. Each holiday is an event at her house with such a large family. Halloween is one of their favorites. She is a contributing author and editor for http://www.AllAboutLabradors.com

Helen Keller
Henry Ford

10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship

1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!

2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"

3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!

4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"

5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.

6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly. Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I needx, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?

7. State who YOU are - loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And thenbegin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.

8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?

9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.

10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

Henry Ford

Halloween Costumes for Pets

Dressing up for Halloween is a tradition that everyone looks forward to. As the holiday approaches, the question What are you going to be for Halloween? begins to ring in the air at home, at school, and even in the workplace. Everyone enjoys dressing up for Halloween and now you can include a costume for your pet dog or cat.

Dressing up a pet dog or cat has become increasingly popular in the last few years. Often, for security purposes, families will have their pet dog with them while trick-or-treating. So, why not dress him up for Halloween also? Dressing up for Halloween can now be for the whole family!

Collars, hats, and capes can be put on your pet dog or cat in a variety of characters. Some of the more popular costumes include Dracula, the devil, and witch apparel. These come complete with capes and headgear. Also popular are the skeleton costumes, which is a full body suit for your pet.

Your pet dog or cat could dress-up as a super-hero. Superman, Batman, Spiderman, and Wonder Woman are among the most popular. Other fun costumes include Star Wars characters, Raggedy Ann, and Zorro.

For those who only want to dress up their pet a little bit and do not want a full costume, there are a variety of head-dresses from which you can choose. There are trick-or-treat bandanas, Santa hats, and even pig-tails. Your pet could be Uncle Sam, or a Christmas elf with just a hat.

With such a variety, you and your pet could have matching or complimentary costumes. Since it is becoming more popular, some local stores will carry Halloween costumes for pets. You can also find pet Halloween costumes on the internet.

Halloween can be a whole new experience when your family and your family pet dress up for Halloween. I guess you could say Halloween has gone to the dogs.

Denise Duncan has seven children and four grandchildren. Each holiday is an event at her house with such a large family. Halloween is one of their favorites. She is a contributing author and editor for http://www.AllAboutLabradors.com

Wayne Dyer Intentions

How to Be Classy and Elegant Without Money

You don't have to be well dressed or have a lot of money to look and be classy. Class is what comes from the inside. It is your actions, reactions, facial expressions, ability to take a compliment, decline an invitation and overall how you carry yourself in life. I've met many women that are brash, rough around the edges and often just downright rude and not 'lady-like'. On the other hand I've had the pleasure of meeting many women that are polite, kind, helpful, are respectful of others, have pleasant facial expressions and certainly do know how to accept a compliment. These rare breeds of women simply make the decision to be classy, with or without money. In my observations and own personal upbringing this is what I have learned...

1. SMILE! Smiling creates a more pleasant environment for those around you and keeps your spirits up too, no matter what life is throwing at you each day.

2. Learn how to take a Compliment. Too many women shrug off another person's well meaning comments either on their accomplishments, work, beauty, wardrobe, home and the list goes on. They do this with the "it's no big deal" response and attitude. You work hard every day and commit yourself just like Hollywood celebrities do but they accept their Oscars and Emmy Awards for all of their dedication and accomplishment. Smile, politely say thank you and just feel good about yourself.

3. Nobody likes a Fishwife. If you haven't heard the expression, I'll fill you in. The fishwife is the woman that yells for her husband at dinner, screams at her kids and rants until everyone and everything is in order. This is so unappealing. Replace anger, yelling and rage with softness and grace. Calmly ask your children, spouse or friends to do something for you in a polite tone. I'm not suggesting you fake who you are but simply move in a direction that exudes class and respect for those around you.

4. Answer the phone like you would if a hunk was calling. Be polite and simply say "Good afternoon, Jane Smith speaking". You have greeted the person on the other end and let them know who is speaking. I never like to hear "Hello?!" in an exasperated tone or one that reeks "you called at a bad time, what do you want?" If it is truly a bad time, simply do not answer the phone. Let the machine get it and call back at a more suitable time. You might be liable to say something you wouldn't otherwise and will likely regret later.

5. Profanity is a No-No. Classy women do not swear and sound like a drunken sailor, it just doesn't work. They use creative vocabulary or tone down their thought of something terrible. Example: Someone cuts you off in a parking lot and nearly causes a huge accident. Don't stick your head out the window and say "What the *%$# were you thinking?!" and give them the finger, rather keep it to yourself. No matter how mad you are or how panicked you feel don't lose your temper and cuss. Not only is this not lady-like (nor is it man-like, just plain rude) and if you had your kids in the car they're likely to repeat it.

6. Don't get drunk. Celebrating with friends and family with a few glasses of wine isn't a sin, if you can handle it. Getting drunk at a party then dancing on the table singing is just so trashy. You won't like what people say about you and what they recall later. It just isn't worth it! Classy women know their limits, drink within them and when they reach their limit they drink sparkling water, soda water with lime etc. to mingle with the crowd but not cause an accident on the way home.

7. Your Wardrobe Matters. You don't need to have a lot of money, or any for that matter to be a classy woman. Simply always take pride in what you do own, put on your best face and go out into the world. If your clothes have threads hanging and a stain you could not get out and a tear in the seam of your pants it is obvious that you lack the pride that others take. Always wear clean clothes, freshly pressed with no threads, rips, stains or fading. Instead neatly put together an outfit that you know looks good and throw on a few basics: mascara, lipstick (or gloss), and a bit of blush.

8. Speak Eloquently. There is no need to speak in slang. Learn the English language properly and try your best to use it and your best vocabulary daily. You were given a brain and have had education, let your words exude that too. Form your words fully. Accent or no accent people want to understand what you are saying. Speak clearly and form your words fully.

9. Turning down a request. There are times in life where we are simply too tired, not interested or don't have the financial wherewithal to take part in an upcoming event or in someone's request. Most women just say okay, I'll do it or I'll be there because they don't want to be perceived as rude. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself, just ensure you say it the right way. Example: Your grandmother asks you to take some items she has stored for you as she knows she is moving to a retirement home soon and you just don't have the room and do not like them anyway. Simply say "Grandma, these are definitely some neat treasures. I would love to but I just can't." This does not leave room for discussion on how big your apartment is, or what taste you have. If she asks again, repeat the same words. "I would love to but I simply can't".

10. Hold your head up High. Whether you are entering or leaving a room, grabbing some quick groceries or pumping gas, hold you head up high. I'm not kidding. Hold you head up high, shoulders back, lengthen your spine and tuck your tummy in. Gracefully walk to your destination always with purpose. Classy women always appear as though they have just landed in Paris and are only in town for 2 days to grace you with their presence. You have accomplished a lot to date. You need to show yourself strong, confident and proud. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel about yourself and how many heads will turn.

11. Nail your Nails. There is nothing worse than seeing someone with dirty fingernails. It says a lot about their health and personal hygiene and how much they care about themselves. Yellowing, chipped and ragged nails at any length are not good. People see your face and hands no matter how much of the rest of you is covered up. Keep your nails at a short, neatly kept length. Seeing the whites of the nails is important, so keep those! Invest in a pair of nail clippers and keep them cut regularly. Keep a file on hand in your purse should a nail break. Avoid the yellowing nails get by leaving nail polish off your nails for periods of time, use baking soda and lemon juice and soak them if you have this problem. Once filed and given a basic buff, use 2 coats of neutral polish like a natural pale pink. My favorite is Mademoiselle by Essie. Use a topcoat to prevent chipping and off you go. French manicure is most classy if you can afford to have it done professionally. Thankfully after painting my nails for 20 years I've mastered the art of doing my own perfect French manicure. If you have dark chipping nail polish you are better to take it off completely and wear nothing or a coat of clear or neutral then go out like that. The same holds true for toe nails and pedicures. Your toes will hold polish for 3-4x as long so you can leave this longer and do some spot touch ups when necessary.

12. Be clean and Hygienic. There are too many women making time for TV, shopping, cleaning and everything under the sun but who do not properly care for themselves. Classy women are not dirty. They don't sleep with all their makeup on at night and they brush and floss regularly and take care of their health. Firstly, showering daily is a must. Being clean is not for everyone else who smells you but it is so that you feel clean and fresh and ready to give your best. Secondly you should wash you hair bare minimum every other day. If you are leaving it longer than that your hair will start to get greasy and clumpy looking (usually at the back of your head where YOU don't look). I see it all the time in the workplace, a woman dressed well and her makeup looks pretty but her hair is dirty, it ruins the whole thing. There are some times where you cannot prevent it as you woke up late, no worries, just wear your hair up so it is less conspicuous.

If you want to know more about how to Dress Classy on little cash, see my article How to Dress Classy with Little Cash'. Get out there and be your personal best!

Karla Davis is the President of Florida Home Staging & Redesign. She is a Home Stager, Professional Organizer, Interior Re-designer, as well as Public Speaker. She specializes in Staging and Organizing homes, office spaces and has over 10 years of experience and success within inside/outside Sales and Marketing. Karla is also the wife of Author, Paul Davis and is currently writing two books of her own. Karla's life mission is to positively transform the homes and lives of everyone she meets.

Please contact Karla for your Home Staging, Interior Redesign, or Professional Organizing needs at:

Karla Davis
Florida Home Staging & Redesign
Professional Home Stager
P.O. Box 684
Goldenrod, FL 32733
Tel: (407) 284-1705
Karla@FloridaHomeStager.com
http://www.FloridaHomeStager.com

Home Staging for the Serious Seller!

http://activerain.com/floridahomestager

Wayne Dyer Intentions

Resume Help

Writing a resume can be a stressful situation. How do you know exactly what needs to be in each section of the resume? What words are best to use to grab the employers attention? How long should a resume be?

Resume help is on its way!

The first thing you need to know about resumes is that they will always be changing. When you secure your first employment position, you should immediately update your resume so that you are ready when the next opportunity comes knocking at your door (or when you are so tired of your current job that you cant wait to find a new one).

The second thing you need to know is that your resume is not an autobiography. Yes, it is a piece of non-fiction, but it is first and foremost a marketing piece. The words you choose and how you use them make all the difference in whether or not your resume gets read by prospective employers. Everything you say on that piece of paper needs to be directed toward one thing: convincing the employer that you are someone he/she needs to meet face to face.

That leads us to the third thing you need to know about your resume. It has one purpose and one purpose only: to get an interview. It doesnt matter if your resume is so snappy it stops traffic on Main Street, Anywhere USA. If it does not speak to the employer's needs, it will not get you an interview invitation.

In order to land that perfect job, you have to make sure your marketing materials are up-to-date, well-worded, printed on high-quality paper, targeted to a specific job and individual organization whenever possible and are completely error-free. It's hard to land the perfect job when you aren't even invited to meet the employer.

You can avoid a lot of stress in the job-search process by having top-quality materials. If you know that you are sending out amazing stuff, then it alleviates a lot of the worry. You can focus on finding the best company to work for and researching the answers to all those exciting interview questions.

Every bit of this process is do-able. It really is not very hard, eitherespecially when you have all of this great free resume advice, right?

Help yourself get off to a great start in your career and make sure your qualifications are presented in the best possible way.

Oh, and just because this wonderful resume-writing advice is free doesn't mean it is free of value. It holds a great deal of value, but only if you put it into action

Carla Vaughan, Owner/Webmaster Professional-Resume-Example.com

Carla is the owner of Professional-Resume-Example.com, a web site devoted to assisting candidates in the job-search process. She holds a B.S. in Business from Southern Illinois University and has authored several books.

For more information about writing Professional Resumes, follow this link to: Resume Articles

Four Noble Truths

What Are The Real Reasons Why You Procrastinate

The first in a series of myth-busting pieces In contrast to most advice columns, I think procrastination has less to do with fear, and more to do with hope.

When you procrastinate on doing the big rocks in your life (finding your next career step, starting a business, writing your book, etc.) you do so to preserve hope: As long as you dont put yourself out there, then in your mind you can continue to live in the possibility that someday you will live up to your ideal of yourself and earn the respect of people important to you.

You have an inner debate between the part of you that believes in you and the part of you that doesnt think you are enough or have what it takes. Because you have this inner debate, you try to settle the matter once and for all. You are worried that if your efforts to take a bold next step dont go well you will make it a confirmation that you will never be able to live up to the dream you have for yourself. That would lead to hopelessness.

Your procrastination behaviors are an effort to prevent the bursting of that bubble. By not testing your capability in the real world, you can hold onto the hope you are still capable of achieving dreams youve long had for yourself. You can hold onto the hope that the good impression you have made on people to date will endure because you wont expose whats really (not) inside. Procrastination serves a psychological purpose of allowing you to have hope for the future so that you can keep going for now, even though part of you really doesnt feel you are enough.

When you dont put yourself out there, you also dont grow from experiences. You dont move your life forward.

In sum, people who procrastinate seek relief. They get rewards by living in hope. Successful people seek real results. They get rewards by contributing what they love and learning from their mistakes.

Here are some tips of what to do instead of procrastinating.
1) Instead of drowning in I cant do it. What if? focus on what you are passionate about inside. Reflect: what lessons have you learned from your experiences in the workplace, or in your life? What do these lessons inform you to do and contribute next; and what form do you want it to take?

2) Rather than projecting to the possible future negative outcomes, tap into how much you enjoy doing the activities that youll need to do everyday in order to have that final outcome (e.g., enjoy the daily/weekly practice of writing a blog about your subject, and leverage the compiled material for your book). Just set your sights on the next of small milestones youve set along the way to the big outcome.

3) Dont make the results of your first attempts to make a big move forward in your life a referendum on your worth. Successful people have an attitude of whoever makes the most mistakes wins.

4) Work around your particular obstacles (i.e., outsource certain functions) and develop an attitude of being an unconquerable force: I am committed, I do whatever it takes. Make the taste of how good it feels to finally prove yourself to yourself far more powerful than the small relief of preserving hope in the illusion of your own mind.

Sharon Melnick, Ph.D. helps talented and successful people get out of their own way. Over 90% of the clients who come to her to find their next career step successfully completed a career change within 3 months! A coach and psychologist affiliated with Harvard Medical School, she has taught hundreds of people practical solutions to overcome the blocks they have to stepping into their ideal career. Take her free assessment at http://sharonmelnick.com/quiz2.htm and find out ways you don't even know you are getting in your own way or visit her website http://sharonmelnick.com

George Washington

Sample Resume Objectives: What They All Tend To Miss

Sample resume objectives. When a harried and possibly panicked job seeker finds one he thinks is good, he feels like the drowning man who just got rescued.

But as Shakespeare said, there's something rotten in Denmark. Or in that sample you thought would save you.

The problem is that sample resume objectives all tend to miss one thing. It's truly shocking to me that they do. But they're usually free, and often they're worth about what you paid.

The thing they miss is that a resume objective isn't about you.

"What?!", you say, "Of course it's about me!"

That's probably what you've been taught. I'm sure it's what some people have told you. Just the words "resume objective" plant a bad seed in your mind.

Those words suggest...no, they SAY...that you should state the objective of your resume. That's poppycock. There's only one purpose of an objective statement on a resume, and that's to state how you can give your new employer profit.

Any resume objective statement that doesn't do that is garbage. That's certainly where your resume will end up. Those kinds of objective statements all translate into "get a job." That brilliantly states the obvious.

Every potential employer knows you want a job. In fact, there's nothing wrong with saying you want the job. But your objective statement isn't where you want to do it. You do it in your cover letter (indirectly), and in the job interview.

Your resume is your commercial for the improved profit you can add to your new employer. It's not about you, or what you want. Nothing, and I mean nothing, sells like the promise of windfall profits.

Sample resume objectives you're likely to find online miss that point entirely. Here's an example:

"A challenging job in an industrial setting performing chemical syntheses and characterizations; the ideal position will offer diverse tasks and the opportunity to work with a team."

Oh boy. Let's see. If I'm a potential employer reading that resume, all I see is that this person wants a job. Maybe I get that he's a chemist. Maybe I infer that he's a good team player. Maybe...I'm bored already. It's too much work to figure out what he'll do for me.

In the bin. Next!

Don't believe for a second that you simply need to copy some resume objective you find online. A better strategy is to steal..ahem...creatively borrow all the good ideas you can and create your own.

(c) Copyright 2005 by Roy Miller

An article by Roy Miller, creator of http://www.Job-Search-Guidepost.com. He recently developed a simple, powerful, job-winning resume template package. You can get your FREE copy here: free resume template. And if you liked this article, be sure to sign up for Roy's free weekly newsletter.

Would you like never to need a resume again? Visit Roy's new site http://www.resale-money-machine.com to find out how.

This article may be reprinted for use in newsletters and on websites provided that this information box is kept intact. Email notice of intent to publish is appreciated but not required: roy@job-search-guidepost.com.

Wayne Dyer Intentions

How To Choose The Right Brainwave Entrainment Products For You

What is Brainwave Entrainment? Well, it's the process of using tones, beats, or soundwave patterns to induce certain states of mind. Eg, focus, creativity, relax, reduce stress, sleep, wake up, etc. Simple enough. People use it for studying, writing, meditation, sleep induction, weight loss, spiritual enlightenment, sexual enhancement (seriously) and a whole host of other reasons.

Internet Marketers and Therapists, Teachers and Medical Professionals the world over are lauding the benefits of "Think and Grow Rich Automatically" as the catalyst for phenomenal success. An entire online community has been created for participants in Centerpointe Researches "Holosync Solution". People are seeing results from several products.

But just like Ferrari's are perfect for some folks, and a truck works better for others, you may find that a "one-size-fits-all" approach to brainwave entrainment doesn't suit you. You must take your personal preferences into account.

Some folks don't mind certain sounds like high pitched MIDI tones, and the music used to mask the entrainment technology or subliminal technology in many cases is relatively cheesy. If it hits an irritating pitch, you're likely to be focusing on the "jarring" that you feel, rather than being able to just relax. If this is the case, You might be better off without the music overdubbing. Times like this are when you need to have a customizable solution that will allow you to listen to the session without the music, or replace the music with something more suited to your tastes.

Fact is, some folks just aren't able to relax while listening to higher notes. Lower Octave music works better for them. That's why it's important to adjust the volume of your recording before you actually begin to try to relax. Too high or too low a volume can be just as irritating as too high or low a pitch. And nothing is more effective at breaking your relaxed state than having to fiddle with the volume knob in the middle of a session.

What if you have a gazillion things to do, and can't seem to find an hour or so to do your session? If you're using the sessions for depression reduction or Chronic fatigue/Fibromyalgia, skipping a session is not an option, unless you just want to get back on the meds. You need to be able to use your session while performing your daily tasks. Working Single Moms come to mind in this scenario. At some point, you have to sleep! And who wants to sleep with earbuds or headphones on? Talk about pain! In a situation like this, a recording that didn't require headphones would be perfect, wouldn't it?

How do you know if you need headphones or not? Well, The word "Binaural" simply means that both ears are being transmitted to. (Binaural headphones, means sound comes out both sides) Binaural Beat technology requires that each ear be able to recieve a different sound channel. (headphones required) What they do is play a different sound in each ear, and your brain automatically creates the "entrainment frequency" that equals the difference between the two sounds.

"Monaural" means that instead of using technology that requires a separate sound channel for each ear, a pulsing beat pattern is being used, and you can listen with one speaker, or surround sound and get the same result. Some people prefer to listen to these type recordings as they go about their daily business. But some folks prefer a more intimate, private experience, which is why headphones are a good thing. You can do "With" or "Without" using Monaural technology, it just may take a little longer for you to get the desired effect without them.

For speed demons who prefer an intense session that is powerpacked and gets right to the nitty gritty, "Isochronics" is a great pattern. It's audible, stiff sounding, and, if played at too high a volume, very irritating. But, once you're hooked, you're hooked. A highly trained, qualified professional can use isochronics to create some powerful and relaxing meditations, But in the hands of an inexperienced novice, they are more likely to drive you to drink.

The problem comes in when you spend so much time trying to find a product that will work for you, that you don't have time to meditate effectively, or settle down and relax, which is necessary for the proper entrainment.

When I first learned that brainwaves were responsible for my depression, I spent hundreds on various products, some of which I used every day, and some that I just trashed, because they didn't work for me. Testimonials indicate that they work for some people, but not for me.

With so many people producing "Hypnosis" or "Binaural" or "Entrainment and Meditation" products, how can you know that the ones you're using are going to be effective, or that the people making them even know what they are doing?

That's why I started BeyondBrainwaves.com I review the Brainwave Entrainment, Hypnosis, Subliminal, and even Even Energy Therapies so you can stop "trying this" and "trying that" and get right down to the doing.

http://www.BeyondBrainwaves.com Where Real People Find the best Resources to help them ReCreate Their Reality Their Way.

Bob Proctor and the Science of Getting Rich

Law of Attraction - What is it and Why Should We Care?

What is the Law of Attraction?

The Law of Attraction states that "like attracts like." What you focus your attention on expands. Your thoughts are energy, and create a vibration which can be either positive or negative.

Let's look at an example. Think of a day when you woke up feeling overwhelmed at what's on your plate. You might have a job to do, children to feed, an ex to deal with, lawyers to meet with. Typically those mornings start the self-fulfilling prophecy where all the balls you're juggling start to crash down on your head. According to the Law of Attraction, you helped create that downward spiral by the negative energy you put out there and where you were putting your attention.

Similarly, the days you wake up feeling grateful to be alive start a different type of dynamic. The kids cooperate, you get an unexpected check in the mail and your ex pays you a compliment. A challenge comes up but you handle it with grace and success. That's the Law of Attraction in action, which author Michael Losier defines as "I attract into my life whatever I give my thoughts, energy and attention to, whether positive or negative."

Did I Attract My Divorce?

Divorce is a painful experience, so according to the Law of Attraction, you played a part in creating that. Why would you attract such a life-altering event? How were you playing a role in your relationship breakdown? These are tough questions to find answers to, especially if you're still tender from those divorce wounds.

When you and your ex got together, you were likely operating on the same page. Like two transmitter towers, you were connecting on the same frequency. Over time, you shifted to different frequencies. The clear signal was lost in a sea of static. The relationship was no longer a match for you. It can be tempting to assign blame or rationalize the failure of the relationship. But this is like trying to drive a car while looking only in the rear-view mirror. Not only are you missing the scenery, but you're not seeing where the potholes are in the road up ahead. Divorce happens but it has gifts to offer and you can use the Law of Attraction to move forward.

The Power of Your Word

The Law of Attraction is always in operation and the challenge for us is to become consciously aware of the kind of results we want to attract. Often we attract things into our life simply because we weren't paying attention.

The words we use are very powerful and have a big impact on how we feel. Our language provides a big clue as to where our time and focus is going. Law of Attraction expert, Michael Losier, teaches that there are three very powerful words we commonly use that bring us results we don't want. The words "don't," "not," and "no" pull our attention to things we actually don't desire and send out a negative vibration.

For example, notice where your attention goes in the following statements. "Don't be late picking up the kids next time." "I'm not going to let divorce ruin my self-esteem." Your focus and attention goes to something negative, namely being late and self-esteem being ruined.

Simply reframing these statements can be a powerful way to harness the Law of Attraction to create positive results. How do these statements feel? "Pick up the children on time." "My divorce is a doorway to new levels of self-esteem." Stating your desires in a way that you do want makes you feel more positive and open using that language.

Remember, the Law of Attraction is about attracting that which you do want. The words you choose are powerful tools to start the attraction process. The next two articles will cover the 3-step process to consciously using the Law of Attraction. Until then, here are questions to get you started.

Take Action!

1. When you reflect on your divorce, where do you put your time, energy and attention? How do you feel? Spend some time journaling about this.

2. Start the habit of checking in during the day to ask yourself how do I feel?

3. Write out at least 10 statements you use often that contain the words "don't, not, no." Rephrase them to be a statement of what you do want.

Carolyn B. Ellis, author, spiritual divorce coach and founder of Thrive After Divorce Inc. If you want simple life-changing tips for single parenting, visit Thrive After Divorce now to receive a FREE report.

Franklin D

Ten Healing Questions

It's possible to bring forth the advanced capacities for healing and life transformation that already exist within. This advanced or higher mind has awesome healing powers, powers of love, wisdom, compassion, peace, light and more. When you reach this level of mind, you have the ability to release old patterns and transform your greatest negativities into enlightened understanding.

There is a great Sanskrit prayer, which says:

Lead us from darkness into light...
From the unreal to the real...
From death to immortality.
Om shanti, shanti, shanti.

The transformation of your consciousness means that you are able to uplift your understanding of existence. It means that there is a shift in the way you see and perceive. Healing, in fact, is the profound connection with the transformational power, the Healing Power itself. Our inner ills are the result of a lack of connection with these advanced qualities of being. When you get back in touch with them, healing takes place on every level.

Activating the Healing Qualities of Mind

You can ask yourself questions to unveil the transformational healing experiences in an life situation:

How can I heal this? Can I experience more love here?

Can I step back from this and see it in a different way, from another perspective?

Can I quiet my mind? Experience more peace?

Can I have more compassion here?

What am I learning from this?

Is there a particular part of myself that needs healing? What does that part of me need?

Is there a particular way I can release this?

Is this about my ego? Can I take any steps beyond this?

Can I experience more light here?

Can I forgive in this situation?

Asking and answering these questions can bring you self-knowledge, personal growth, and healing.

Want to learn more about life transformation, spiritual growth, and healing? You can download my 100 page free ebook, Extraordinary Healing at http://www.thewisemind.com Find out more about Marilyn Gordon at http://www.thewisemind.com and subscribe to our wonderful free monthly newsletter, "The Transformation News."

Marilyn Gordon is a board certified hypnotherapist, teacher, speaker, healer, school director, and author with over thirty years of experience. Her latest book is The Wise Mind: The Brilliant Key to Life Transformation and Healing

Walt Disney

Ten Healing Questions

It's possible to bring forth the advanced capacities for healing and life transformation that already exist within. This advanced or higher mind has awesome healing powers, powers of love, wisdom, compassion, peace, light and more. When you reach this level of mind, you have the ability to release old patterns and transform your greatest negativities into enlightened understanding.

There is a great Sanskrit prayer, which says:

Lead us from darkness into light...
From the unreal to the real...
From death to immortality.
Om shanti, shanti, shanti.

The transformation of your consciousness means that you are able to uplift your understanding of existence. It means that there is a shift in the way you see and perceive. Healing, in fact, is the profound connection with the transformational power, the Healing Power itself. Our inner ills are the result of a lack of connection with these advanced qualities of being. When you get back in touch with them, healing takes place on every level.

Activating the Healing Qualities of Mind

You can ask yourself questions to unveil the transformational healing experiences in an life situation:

How can I heal this? Can I experience more love here?

Can I step back from this and see it in a different way, from another perspective?

Can I quiet my mind? Experience more peace?

Can I have more compassion here?

What am I learning from this?

Is there a particular part of myself that needs healing? What does that part of me need?

Is there a particular way I can release this?

Is this about my ego? Can I take any steps beyond this?

Can I experience more light here?

Can I forgive in this situation?

Asking and answering these questions can bring you self-knowledge, personal growth, and healing.

Want to learn more about life transformation, spiritual growth, and healing? You can download my 100 page free ebook, Extraordinary Healing at http://www.thewisemind.com Find out more about Marilyn Gordon at http://www.thewisemind.com and subscribe to our wonderful free monthly newsletter, "The Transformation News."

Marilyn Gordon is a board certified hypnotherapist, teacher, speaker, healer, school director, and author with over thirty years of experience. Her latest book is The Wise Mind: The Brilliant Key to Life Transformation and Healing

Winston Churchill

A Successful Life

This world is not lacking in its quest for success, yet so few of us really achieve the success we seek. Perhaps it is because we have not clearly defined success. Merriam-Webster defines success this way: "a favorable or desired outcome." I like this definition because it leaves room for each of us to put our own spin on what success looks like to us. What makes one successful? True success is far more than accolades, money, and degrees. These things can certainly play a role in what success might look like; however, without a clear understanding of what success involves, it will continue to elude us.

So, what does it take to be successful? How do we achieve this "favorable or desired outcome"?

Step one: know who you are. I remember my 8th grade teacher's parting words to me as I ventured on to high school. Quoting William Shakespeare, her advice was, "To thine own self be true." When we are true to ourselves, our lives are governed by our beliefs, our values, and our principles. Consequently, our decisions are based on what is right for us and we stop living to please the rest of the world.

Step two: know who you want to be. This step involves much introspection because, again, it is based on beliefs, values, and principles. It is only after we apply our beliefs, values, and principles to our lives that we can then build a vision of a better self. An old proverb states: "Where there is no vision, the people perish." I take great liberties here to paraphrase by simply saying, "Without a vision of who you want to be, you will surely die without ever knowing who you can become."

Step three: define your mission. A mission is a definite task; it's the reason we exist. I mentioned in a previous article "The Fuel of Motivation" that our mission statement must reflect the values that govern our lives. A clearly articulated mission acts as a vehicle to help you get to your destination-success. Your mission will always depend on what you know about yourself.

Step four: take an honest assessment of your knowledge, skills, and attitude. What do you know about what you want to do? For example, after working through Jack Canfield's program "Self-Esteem and Peak Performance," I realized that I liked speaking and teaching. I also uncovered the fact that I am well suited for this career, and I am extremely effective. It never feels like work to do a seminar, workshop, or keynote. In contrast, I worked once as a data entry clerk-a job I never liked! I had the knowledge and the skills to do the job; however, I was not happy because I did not have the right attitude. I didn't have all of the knowledge and skills to become a public speaker, trainer, and consultant, but my attitude helped me to get what I needed. Assessing your knowledge, skills, and attitude will help you get on the right track to success and happiness.

Step five: know how you're going to get to where you want to go. All successful people set goals. I remember a woman from one of my seminars who mentioned that she did not believe in setting goals because our lives are already predestined. What a tragic way to live! We are all created to live a full and successful life. I don't believe that our achievement is left up to God. I think He leaves it up to us. SMART goals help us take inventory along the way and measure our success. These measurements must be: S- specific, M- measurable, A- attainable, R- realistic, T- time bound.

About 9 years ago, I decided to get serious about my life and began to set goals. It's magical! I have achieved satisfactory results in practically every area I've set a goal in: spiritual, financial, educational, and educational. Two of my major goals were to finish my master's degree and then finish my doctorate degree. Every semester I was able to determine whether I was getting closer to where I wanted to go. If you are serious about achieving success, you must set goals!

Step six: maintain a realistic mind480set about the challenges on the way to true success. A realistic mindset means that things will happen in an attempt to keep you from the success you desire, but you have to keep pressing on. For instance, on your journey to success, you may have to work through a relationship ending, or changing jobs, or suddenly having to take care your elderly parents. Prepare for those moments, and don't let them keep you from your success. I have met so many people in my seminars who started to _____ (you fill in the blank), but they stopped because life happened and they have never restarted. When I was in boot camp for the Army whenever someone started to lag behind during our morning 5-mile run, we would shout "Man up!" In other words, push yourself a little harder now, but do not give up.

Remember, success - on your terms - is within your reach if you will consciously work through these six steps!

Dr. Angela D. Massey, an international motivational speaker, corporate trainer, and author is the owner of Life On Purpose LLC. She is the author and self-publisher of "Going the Distance - Success Strategies for Online Students" and "Turbo Charge Your Team!" She can be reached at http://www.lifeonpurposellc.com

Home Building Ideas For The Future
Christianity

Are You a Competitor or a Creator

The answer to that question could provide considerable insight into many aspects of your life - business and personal. The "good book", The Science of Getting Rich, is clear on the point of using competition to accumulate wealth. It most certainly can be done; people do it everyday. But is it the preferred method of achieving business success?

When we understand the philosophy behind creation, and when we truly leave the competitive plane for the creative plane, that is when we are truly free. Since immersing myself in this study, I have achieved clarity on this point that is absolutely liberating. As internet and network marketers we are often conditioned to be competitive. We are competing for top spot on google, protective of our websites and copy rights, always guarding our success secrets. Some of us even pay to get the latest "secrets" of the internet and networking gurus. When you are in competition you are, by necessity, on guard. Many successful network marketers I know have achieved great success, on the competitive plane. Often, these master marketers exhibit anger that is sometimes mistaken for arrogance. I now see it as protection. The marketer who "makes it" on the competitive plane is ever fearful of "the competition" taking what is his, be it his ideas, his product or his strategies. He presents himself in such a manner so as to discourage others from "stealing" from him. And others will and do steal or borrow from him. He is very wealthy from a monetary stand point, but is he free?

True Freedom

When we move from the competitive to the creative plane, we know that there are no limits to what we can achieve or to the money that we can attract to us. We do not have a need to protect our property or our ideas to the extent that we are consumed by it. We are not on guard or needing to keep our eye on "the competition". We are free to share and cooperate.

We are bombarded on the internet with offers to purchase the "secrets" of the "big dogs" or of the wealthy or the successful, when in truth, knowing their strategies will not assist us at all. That is the real SECRET - that there are no magic bullets, no secrets. When we buy or sell other people's "secrets" we are playing on the competitive field. The TRUTH is that few have ever achieved success by duplicating someone who has. We see this time and again, and the reason is clear when you understand The Law of Attraction. Two people can take the exact same action - one may see great success, the other great failure. Success is not something that can be "copied".

The Certain Way

This is discussed in detail in The Science of Getting Rich. It is stated that the one who achieves success, while doing the same actions as the one who fails, does those actions in THE CERTAIN WAY. This certain way is the creative process, and whether the successful person is aware or not, he is vibrating on the level that is in harmony with success. The person who learns to perform these acts with AWARENESS is able to obtain riches creatively, which is permanent and free from worry or stress. This is THE CERTAIN WAY to obtaining riches in a scientifically correct manner. It cannot fail.

All we need to learn to do is to gain mastery over our own thinking, and how to perform our work in THE CERTAIN WAY. This is truly the only "study" we need to concern ourselves with. Once this is mastered, then it is quite possible that these other offerings may be of some benefit, but certainly not until. What is the use of reading or listening about how others achieved success when it is not their actions that created their success?

I teach how to's of internet marketing, and it has been frustrating as a trainer, when I see some people follow the instructions exactly, yet fail to get the results they should. It is clear that following the advice of successful networkers is not always effective. It is evident that performing the same actions does not produce the same result. It takes more than belief and positive thinking. Network marketers must learn to think and act in the Certain Way.

I believe in my heart, that the study of The Science of Getting Rich, is the first training that is necessary. Learn to master your mind, and the rest will fall into place.

---------------------------

Karen Weir through affiliation with Bob Proctor and Jack Canfield, introduces The Science of Getting Rich Seminar system. This system is designed to create millionaires.

God In Buddhism

Agreement With Your Tutor?

There have been many horror stories to do with tutors and tuition coordinators. One example is that the tutor stopped tutoring a child immediately when he got another student who is paying him a higher fee. Since there is no contract to legally bind him to continue tutoring, the tutor just left the student stranded.

What can the parents do for such irresponsible tutors then? You can strike up an agreement (preferably with other people as witnesses), or even do a written agreement with the tutor. You have got to protect yourself in this instance. Some tutors will drop your child off his list just because someone else offered him a higher pay.

Why don't you draft up a typed agreement and let the both of you sign in complete with the full name and IC numbers of the both of you? In the agreement, or contact, you can specify that he or she be allowed to stop tutoring, but he or she needs to give you at least a month's notice in advance. There are many ways you can change that sentence.

You can do this alternatively: The tutor is allowed to stop tutoring your child, however he or she must continue working till you, the parent, have found a new tutor to replace him or her. This is very important. It prevents you from having a situation where you can't find a tutor to replace the outgoing tutor immediately.

To attract your tutor and make him stay on till your child's examinations, you can dangle an incentive carrot in front of him. The agreement can be as follows:

If the tutor manages to finish his duration of his job, defined as the start of his work at insert date here till the end of his work after my child's examinations in insert month here, he will be given a monetary incentive of $insert amount here.

Of course, you should not put a 2 dollar incentive because it isn't really very attractive. What you can put is a 100 dollar incentive or a 150 dollar incentive. Alternatively, you can add a 100 dollar incentive plus bonuses based on your child's end of year results. Motivation is the key and this will attract your tutor to work hard and continue teaching your child till the end of the year after your child's end of year examinations.

Alternatively, you can write that the tutor has to complete a certain amount of work (please do define the work as accurately as possible) before he or she is allowed to decide to quit. However this is not an attractive option and may alienate the tutor.

You are allowed to decide whatever things to add in your agreement, and your tutor is allowed not to sign them if he feels that it is to his disadvantage. Before setting up an agreement, think of the tutor's feelings. The tutor would not want to be trapped in a situation where he has to teach your child for the whole year without any option to quit. Some tutors quit because of family commitments, and such tutors are normally agreeable to a one month notice in advance. Of course, you should not be an irritant and write plenty of demands in your agreement form. Treat the tutor just like how you wish to be treated if you are a tutor.

Kenneth Tang
www.NextTutor.com
Share tuition related articles with me!

Stress

The Dirty Dozen

With twenty plus years of self employment in a variety of fields and the last several as a business coach, I can assure you I have either seen or lived thru all of these mistakes. It will take you only minutes to read but if you are starting a business it can save you years of strife. Below are 12 things I hope you will avoid in your pursuit to succeeding as an entrepreneur.

1) No Umbrella Business Plan or Strategy -- Without a plan, theres no serious way to gauge the growth and progress of your business. You need a realistic map for where the customers will come from and where your business is going. You also need a plan to bail you out when difficult personal and business times come your way. Solution get a plan together. Stop thinking about it and do it.

2) Getting Tunnel Vision and Never Leaving the Tunnel -- Many entrepreneurs get an idea, move forward with the preparation but never seem to be able to make it work. In fact at times they will hold so tightly to the idea that they will lose all their money, sometimes their family and ultimately their business. The sad result is they often lose the one thing that pushed them to begin with their confidence. Without the confidence the likelihood of another run at self-employment diminishes. If the ship is sinking dont go down with it. Get out while you are still able to breathe. Once youve caught your breath, re-evaluate, learn from the experience and dive back in. Solution ask for some advice from other business people. Be honest with them and get some feedback. If you can afford it, hire a business coach.

3) **Make your business your business and your charity your charity.** Beginning entrepreneurs nearly always make the mistake of giving away the store. They give discounts to the first customers they receive as if to impress or court them. Often these customers are friends and family. Unfortunately, during these critical times an entrepreneur cannot afford to do this. He or she is only cultivating cheap clients that will never want to pay the going price for services or products. Additionally these are the times when cash flow is at a minimum. As a business consultant I often get bothered that friends and family fail to see this. The early years is when those close to you should be paying you more, not less for your product/service. Unfortunately, many people are under the false impression that if someone has their own business they must be wealthy. Solution - when conducting business charge your full rate to everyone. If you want to be charitable, write a check to your favorite charity. Or alternately be creative in how you handle these discounts.

For example, in my mobile entertainment business I told those I knew, that if they got married on a Thursday Id do it for free however my Fridays and Saturdays are limited to just 52 times a year. If I dont get my rates on these days I pass up income that I need to sustain my home and business.

4) Not Knowing Your Customers -- We live in a dynamic world. Constant changes mean that business too is always changing and in some way, large or small, your customers are changing. There are countless examples where companies both large and small fail to see the publics changing direction. Changes in your customers preferences and your competitors products and services can leave you eating dust. You need to know your customers well. What are their buying patterns? Where do they live? How often do they visit you? Why dont they need you more often? What are they saying about your services or products? How do your customers perceive themselves? Solution Make a point to call each customer on a regular schedule to see if there is anything they need or any improvements they see you can make.

5) Ignoring Your Financial Situation -- Whether you have a lot of money or a little, you need to know where you are at financially. Many entrepreneurs will turn a blind eye toward their financial situation. They will deny they are losing money and/or failing to get paid. It goes without saying, that entrepreneurs are typically more confident people with positive outlooks. This is not only their strength but at times it can be their weakness. When buying things for your business ask yourself, will this make me more money or not? If not, realize the need is really a want. Numbers dont lie, so dont find a way to make them lie. Solution have a third party keep your books so you can get a true picture of where you are at financially.

6) Ignoring Employees -- Employees are an extension of your company. They represent you to the public -- for better or worse. They can make or break your business. It does not take a genius to figure out that if you fail to treat your employees with respect they will fail to treat your business with respect as well. After all they cant fire you but they sure can treat your clients in a manner that is far from beneficial to your business. Solution incorporate a weekly meeting with your employee/s. Be sure to keep the meetings positive and welcoming for everyone.

7) Being the Lonely Martyr - Many entrepreneurs fall prey to their own picky, control freak problems. They never trust or let go responsibility in fear that it wont be as good. The truth is it probably wont be. The reality is however as an entrepreneur you are in business to make money. If you have employees then you need to use them to multiply your efforts as best you can. Solution breathe, and again, breathe now relax and resign to the fact you are not the global manager of the universe.

8) No Short or Long Range Plans -- You may have heard the old adage that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Whether it is a business goal or a personal goal you must lay out your plans with an end goal in sight. Otherwise, as Zig Ziglar says, you will be a wandering generality not a meaningful specific. Many entrepreneurs go into business without a long range plan on where they want the company to go. You must have goals and execute them. Solution set goals and lay out strategies for all areas of your life. This is close to number one above but not identical.

9) No Mastermind - Find a businessperson you respect. One that has been in business for a long time and seek his or her advice when faced with tough decisions. Keep in mind youre still the ultimate decision maker, the one that has to live with the outcome. Be sure and weigh this opinion against your own thoughts too. Seek the wisdom that only years of experience can develop. Solution get one, youll be happy you did.

10) They Believe Their Own B.S. Need I say anymore? Solution - have a good friend or two tell you what it is youre not seeing. Preferably a friend with business experience. You see, friends often stay friends because they at some point accepted us for who we are despite our imperfections. Thats why they are our friends!

11) Quitting -- Unfortunately many entrepreneurs quit just when things are ready to soar. This is often because their plan didnt account for certain setbacks or enough time to realistically incubate a business. They typically run out of cash and motivation gets whipped by frustration. Solution - Keep your Day Job until your business, your mindset and your finances are relatively stable.

12) Ill Equipped - financially, educationally, resources etc. Solution learn, learn, learn and save, save, save.

THE DIRTY DOZEN
The Top 12 Mistakes Entrepreneurs Make
Excerpt from the business planning audio and workbook program, Lemonade Stand Simple, A Seven Step Program to Turn Your Business Idea Into a Money Maker.

This article was written by Business Launch Expert, Coach and Entrepreneur Dan Nichols. If you'd like more information on starting and growing your small business he offers grass roots ideas via his newsletter sent out once to twice monthly free of charge. If you sign up before the end of this month, we'll send you a free software program that if used will improve your business within 48 hours - guaranteed. For more on the succeeding in and on starting a small business visit http://www.businesslaunchexpert.com

Andrew Weil

Applying the Secret - Part 10 - The Reality Of The Secret And The Science Of Getting Rich

If you have been following this article series, you have discovered a lot of the important aspects necessary to implement if you really want to change your life for the better. You will have a good understanding of how effective the teachings of the Secret and the Science of Getting Rich can be if successfully put into action. This article discusses the reality of the Secret and Science of Getting Rich. No secrets no lies straight from the hip.

Both the Secret and the SGR programs teach ways in which you can create great wealth in your life. They teach you how to become a millionaire. Well I know many people how have watched the Secret and purchased the SGR program and for most this is simply not the case. Only few have created the huge financial wealth that these programs promised.

I am one of these people. I am not a millionaire and I have not made huge fortunes yet. But here is the thing my life has become RICH is so many other ways, and this is because I discovered the Secret and the SGR program. I would definitely not be where I am today if not for these programs.

The Secret was the first inspiration I got which opened my eyes to a whole new world of opportunities. It motivated me to learn more about the Law of Attraction and the Science of Getting Rich. This was when I came across the SGR Program. As soon as I finished reading their website, I purchased the SGR program for myself, knowing that this was what would teach me how to improve my life.

I studied the SGR program intensely and was surprised by what it taught me. I learnt things that I thought had no consequence on the results I was getting in the past. I learnt how to change my life in a very easy way.

What I want to share with you is what I have learnt and the reality behind these programs.

It taught me that your life is programmed with old limiting beliefs that have been passed to you over the years from so many sources. When you continue with the same beliefs, thoughts and actions of the past, you cannot and will not see any change at all in the results you are getting. Your life will not improve.

So first you need to change the way you think and act. When you change your thoughts and feelings, new images are formed in your mind and your body will take the inspired actions to get the new results you are seeking.

But they key to making this work is gratitude. You have to live in an attitude of gratitude every single day. You have to be grateful for the things you already have and the things that you want. Throughout the day, remind yourself of what you are grateful for.

• I am so happy and grateful for my family
• I am so happy and grateful for the loving relationship with my partner
• I am so happy and grateful to be healthy
• I am so happy and grateful for my job
• I am so happy and grateful for all the new opportunities coming to me
• I am so happy and grateful for my successful business
• I am so happy and grateful for the million dollars in my bank account!

You see, the Universe provides of that for which you are grateful for.

So this is how I changed my life. I put all of that into practice and I continue to live this way today. So now my life is RICH beyond my wildest dreams.

I dont have bad days anymore. I have learnt to zig whilst others zag in order to keep my spirits high when those around me are down.

I have learnt to love and be grateful for the money I do have (even if it is not much). The Universe provides of that for which you are grateful for.

I have learnt to appreciate the wealth around me. I used to get annoyed and frustrated with all the apartment blocks being built around my house but now I see the wealth the owners of those buildings must have. They must be wealthy to be able to build 10 story apartment blocks. Appreciation is another form of gratitude and the Universe provides of that for which you are grateful for.

I have learnt the Power of Giving. The feelings you get when you give to someone who truly needs it and how you can amplify those feelings by giving it without expecting anything in return. By doing this, the Universe will provide you with bigger and better things because you are a generous person. Generosity will come back to you.

I have learnt that life does have its ups and downs. We have to accept this, and know that when things are bad, they will get better again soon. This is the Law of Relativity what goes up must come down. It is just a matter of staying strong and positive and you will get through it its just a matter of time.

I have learnt to focus on what you do want, not what you dont want. Instead of saying I dont want to be in debt say I want financial freedom. The Law of Attraction knows no negatives or positives. If you put out debt you will get more debt if you put out financial freedom you will get financial freedom. This is the Law of Attraction and it is always working whether you know it or not.

You have to remain open to receiving and ready to take the actions required. It wont happen on its own you have to take the actions and work for it. Consider this your tough-love call. So you may not make millions with the Secret or SGR program right away, but your life, like mine, can become rich is so many ways and beyond your wildest dreams. You just have to want it badly enough to take the inspired actions required to get you there. Dont think about the money so much think about the quality of your life.

My name is Lina Atkinson. I am a Manager of Retail and Distribution in Maldives and the mother of 2 wonderful children. For many years I have been struggling to improve my life and then realized that I had attracted The Secret into my life. I have now watched the Secret DVD too many times to count and I am an SGR Affiliate who has completed studying the home seminar on the Science of Getting Rich. I have also studied great teachers such as Bob Proctor, James Ray, Dr. Joe Vitale, Dr. Michael Beckwith, Hale Dwoskin, John Assaraf, Bob Doyle and Jack Canfield. Be sure to visit my blog Apply The Secret for regular posts on these subjects and sign up for the The 7 FREE LESSONS to get you started today.

Copyright 2007 Lina Atkinson. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. Reprint Rights: You may reprint this article as long as you leave all of the links active, do not edit the article in any way, give author name credit and follow all of the EzineArticles terms

George Washington Carver

The Law of Attraction And How to Master This Great Power? (Part 2)

Now that you have an understanding of Attraction Law Secret Universe, its time to put the Law of Attraction into effect. Below is a simple exercise that you can incorporate into your daily routine which gives many benefits besides reaping the rewards of manifestation.

Making The Secret of law of attraction Work

Take about twenty minutes each night and find a private place, somewhere comfortable and distraction free. Relax for a moment, and then imagine your intent has come true. Imagine that it has happened right now, and feel what you would feel had it happened. The more excited and worked up you can get, the better. Imagine yourself driving that car, moving into that house, or holding that money. Make sure you include yourself in your imaginings, as this is absolutely key.

Pick one intention and work on it for about a week. Have faith in the process, any doubts would have sent out negative vibrations that would negate the earlier positive vibrations you sent to the universe.

It may help to choose an initial intent that does not involve money or something you need desperately, but rather something you would really like. Too many people in bad financial situations attempt to manifest money instantly, and they are so consumed with worries over the bills that they never manage to keep a positive manifestation intent out there.

After youve succeeded a time or two with things you arent in dire need of, your faith in the process will allow you to go ahead and work on something more important. This doesnt have to be a lengthy process by any means. Manifestation can occur near instantaneously, depending on the quality of your energy and intention. We are our own worst enemies, and if something isnt manifesting, you will always know who the culprit is.

Start a daily regimen today, and see if you dont get better results than you have in the past. Keep in mind, strong emotion plus detachment plus patience equals manifestation. Thats the secret to working the secret of the law of attraction. You have now completed your basic attraction law training.

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