Success shouldn't be an emotional struggle.
Having someone, especially someone you care about, verbally or emotionally "pick away" at the positive achievements in your life, quickly becomes discouraging, disheartening and disillusioning.
Is there someone you care about who may be consciously or unconsciously undermining your motivation to succeed?
Emotional support is important. It's natural to want encouragement from the important people in your life. If you're feeling a lack of enthusiasm and emotional support from significant others, family, friends and loved ones, the question becomes - what's making them unhappy and/or uncomfortable with your success?
The human mind reacts instantly, powerfully and effectively to any form of discomfort, whether actual or imagined. For example, if your successes begin to make someone you care about uncomfortable, the person experiencing this discomfort will unconsciously want you to experience his/her discomfort too. After all they unconsciously rationalize, you're the one creating the discomfort. It's like a knee-jerk reaction, I'm uncomfortable so I need you to share my discomfort. I'd venture to guess that the majority of discouraging and sabotaging slings and arrows you receive are unconscious and unplanned.
The human mind does whatever it takes, to preserve and protect the status-quo. Even, if the status quo is disempowering or negative. After all, the status quo is comfortable.
Logically, it doesn't matter that your successes will improve the lives of those around you. If the other people in your life aren't ready for change, then unconsciously or even consciously, they'll still do whatever it takes to protect the tried and true.
Think about your desire to achieve this way. Your loved ones aren't the ones walking in your shoes. Everyone sees the world through their own eyes, framed by their own life experiences.
More than likely, they didn't even realize that their way of life would have to change just because you want to become more successful. That can be a rude and powerful "aha" for many of your inner circle of friends and family. If you're bombarded with discouragement and negativity, then those people closest to you are uncomfortable with the "unknowns" of your success. They're wondering - How will you change? Will you still have time for them? Will you still care about them? It's time to sit down and analyze what's creating the stress within yourself and the discomfort within the other important people in your life.
Here are two questions to ask yourself - take pen and paper and set aside some quiet time to think about and write out the answers. Finding the reason for the subtle, but powerful, sabotaging messages is a beginning to discovering the solutions -
1. Make a list of all people you believe are unhappy and/or uncomfortable with your desire to improve and empower yourself. Does the discouragement usually originate within your family? Or, is it through the words or actions of friends? Or, maybe it's the often joking "zings" of coworkers? Which one person, of all the people you've listed, seems to be able to hurt and disturb you the most? How? Why does it hurt so much?
2. Is there a pattern to what happens between you and the other person (people) just before the discouragement or negativity begins? Did you share a hope or dream, talk about something that made you happy but that they weren't a part of, receive monetary or emotional recognition from someone of authority or, have to take some of your time and energy away from them? There's something happening that creates an emotional "hurt" within the other person (people) - that's what you're discovering by answering this question. You can't address the problem and find solutions, if you don't recognize and understand the root of the problem.
Becky Kimes is a professional coach, speaker and author who specializes in helping women break through the invisible barriers keeping them from manifesting their dreams. She works with individuals, and conducts live workshops and tele-seminars. More information can be found at http://www.goingforsuccess.com
John Ortberg
No comments:
Post a Comment